


a force like the sea

by Calumthoodshands (tndart)



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Domestic, Fluff and Angst, How Do I Tag, I Don't Even Know, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Idiots in Love, I’m already done, Kinda, M/M, My First Work in This Fandom, Slow Burn, basically friends to lovers, i guess, it’s cake for obvious reasons i will not elaborate, i’m in this for two weeks now, literally seven nights in a row and it was done???, lol, my first cake fanfic, they’re stupid your honor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-14 09:27:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 32,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29293647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tndart/pseuds/Calumthoodshands
Summary: Calum's idea of going on vacation quickly turns into a challenge not only for him, but the whole band. He only wanted to help Luke get over his breakup, so when he starts getting jealous, he struggles to keep his composure, and it doesn't help that Luke acts differently as well...I wrote this fic in about seven nights, and it ended in about 30k angsty fluff with a happy end, so enjoy!Idk if 30k is slowburn already but well...Tw: alcohol and mental illness but only minor.
Relationships: Luke Hemmings/Calum Hood
Comments: 6
Kudos: 26





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I fell for this ship in six days, wrote this in seven, so basically started making it, had a breakdown, bon appetite! No, but seriously I really enjoyed writing this, hope you will too lol don’t judge me pls i’m soft (for them)

It was on their second last day of tour, all four boys were sitting in the living room of their rented hotel apartment and Luke’s phone interrupted him and Ashton playing Minecraft.

“Damn it,” he said and gave up to take a look at the notification. He would’ve lost anyway.

“What is it?” Michael asked from across the room, guitar in his hand, but distracted easily enough. Especially when he noticed Luke’s face going pale. “You okay, man?”

Luke had a hard time answering yes - so he shook his head.

“I... I think Julie just broke up with me. Over text.”

The other three turned around to look at him.

“Are you for real?” Calum asked.

Luke nodded.

“Shit.”

None of the others knew what to say, and Luke dropping his phone and burying his face in his hands didn’t exactly help.

Michael knew it was insensitive, but he couldn’t help asking: “Did she write why?” The look Calum gave him made him regret saying anything immediately, though.

“Yeah, no. Kind of?” Luke began, squinting his eyes. “I think she just doesn’t feel in love anymore? As far as I understood. Wow. I - I don’t even know how to respond.”

“Then don’t.” Calum got up and sat down next to him, took Luke’s phone and put it away. “Don’t answer. It won’t change things anyway.”

It hurt seeing the usual spark in Luke’s eyes being gone so suddenly. He was the ray of sunshine in the band, a bit chaotic maybe, but still. They didn’t like seeing him down like this, especially not Calum. Although, admittedly, he was a bit relieved things were over with Julie. He never had liked her, and if someone asked him, he’d tell them that she had been a bad influence for Luke. He had to pick Luke up several times from her place, and every time he had been absolutely shitfaced. And apparently they had their first time being drunk as well, which is something Calum would never do. Having sex while drunk was taking advantage, at least in his eyes. But Luke had fallen for her, hardly, so the fall down following now would be even worse.

“Well, that’s gonna be some good publicity, huh,” Ashton said sarcastically, but quietly. They knew what he played at: the fact that it had started out as a relationship purely for publicity, only that for Luke it became real really quickly.

“Shit,” Luke said, and Calum noticed with worries that his voice was breaking. He carefully laid his arm around Luke’s shoulders and pulled him closer, slowly stroking his back.

He immediately felt Luke starting to shake from crying, and soon after tears began soaking his shirt. This wasn’t good, not at all.

Both Ashton and Michael exchanged a look with him, and all agreed that if Luke was crying like this... it was bad. Really bad.

_ What do we do? _ Ashton mouthed and quietly turned the TV off.

Michael helplessly shrugged. The last time Luke had suffered a breakup, a hard breakup, had been years ago with Sierra, and the whole band remembered vividly how long exactly it took him to recover as it wasn’t even because one didn't love the other anymore, it had been solely due to the difficulties that came with both being world touring stars. They knew, when Luke loved someone, he loved deeply, they knew it themselves well enough.

Now Luke began moving again.

“Fuck,” he sniffed. “Shit, does anyone have a tissue?”

They all hurried to provide him, but Calum obviously was the first to grab one.

“Thanks, man.”

The three friends watched as Luke wiped away his tears and blew his nose, and seemed to pick himself off the ground like a wrestler before he took a few deep breaths and turned to Calum.

“Can I have my phone?”

Although confused because of the sudden calmness his friend seemed to radiate, Calum obeyed.

He closely watched as his friend opened his chat with Julie and started typing. No one said a word while he wrote his answer, and with every minute passing Calum’s admiration for his friend who seemed to be able to write sanely and eloquently even when heartbroken just mere minutes ago grew even bigger.

Finally, Luke locked his phone and put it in his pocket.

“So. That’s done.”

Michael laughed awkwardly. “That’s done? Luke, you just got dumped.”

“I know.”

“Wha- are you going mad? Are you seriously okay?”

“Yes, Michael Gordon Clifford, I am fine. We’ve broken up, and that’s fine. I think I’ve felt the same for a while now, anyway.”

“No need to bring out the full name, Hemmings.” Michael murmured, putting a little smile on Calum’s and even Luke’s lips.

“So now what, you’re just gonna go on? No bad mood?” Ashton asked, still in disbelief to what he just witnessed.

Luke shrugged. “Yeah, I guess.”

Calum and Ashton exchanged yet another look in irritation.

“We should get something to eat. Tomorrow’s our last show, guys!” Luke said and got up, a smile on his face. “Come on, I saw a Thai restaurant down the street. I haven’t eaten Thai in way too long.”

They followed reluctantly, but Calum wasn’t convinced. Something was up with his friend, he just had to tickle it out of him. But how?

“ _Vacation_?” Michael, Luke and Ashton said in unison. “Are you mad?” Michael continued, maybe a bit too loud. People were turning around in the small cafe.

But Calum was more than sure of his plan.

“Guys, we’ve been on tour for one and a half year now. We need a break, and especially Luke, we know that.”

“Sorry? I don’t need a break. I said I’m over her.”

“Fine, we still should get some rest. When’s the last time y’all had time for yourselves, anyway? And I mean a full week, not just a few hours.”

None of the other three answered, which Calum contentedly took as confirmation.

“See, that's what I mean. We can’t keep doing this. Look at what touring for too long did to 1D, I certainly don’t want to end up without a band because we’re all burnt out at twenty-something.”

“You really want this, don’t you?” Michael asked. “I've never seen you this passionate about anything the last months.” He hesitated for a second, apparently coming to a realisation. “Well. Maybe you’re right.”

“Guys, I can’t go on vacation. My family will kill me,” Luke interrupted. “My mum kills me anyway because I’ve been away for too long.”

“Then she can wait three weeks more.”

Calum was stern when he wanted something, and he was determined to break Luke’s facade.

Ashton finished his coffee and leaned back in his chair. “I think it’s a good idea. I wanna go to the beach. Maybe the Philippines! Or Hawaii. I’d love to go to Hawaii.”

“Thank you,” Calum said and they fist bumped, grinning. He turned back to Michael and Luke. “So what about you two? Are you in?”

While Luke still seemed too stubborn, Michael gave in. “Fine. I think a break will be good. For us, and for our music.”

All looked at Luke, who had his arms crossed. “What? I’m not gonna come! I’m not.”

Calum tilted his head, just a little teeny bit, but he immediately saw the effect it had on Luke in the way his expression softened. Calum had to suppress a grin. He won.

“Okay, fine, I’ll go. But only if we get a closed off beach.”

“Anything else, Princess?” Ashton snorted, but they all had to laugh - even Luke.

Calum stared at him, and his heart skipped a beat when Luke inconspicuously rolled his eyes at him, though a grin followed right after.

  
  


None of the four could remember boarding a flight that wasn’t solely intended to get them to their next stop of a tour, and were therefore all equally excited to drink some champagne and actually enjoy the view. The closer they got to their destination, the more turquoise the water seemed, and when they landed and stepped out, warm and salty air greeted them with a hint of the sugary smell of exotic flowers and sweetened cocktails, the sky a deep blue.

“Let’s find something to drink before we settle in, shall we?” Ashton asked his bandmates. They all agreed. The jeep they had booked was waiting for them at the entrance of the small airport, and with all windows down, they took their first ride around the island and to the only city of the whole island, all the way up in the north.

The city was more like a village, really.

It didn’t even take a minute to find the only ice café in town, and seeing as no one recognised them, they decided to sit and cool down in the shadow while enjoying their ice cream and cold water.

“So, what are our plans?” Michael asked in between two mouthfuls.

“For what?” Calum asked.

“I don’t know, the next three weeks, I guess. What are we doing tomorrow?”

“Well, seeing as our rental is right by the sea, I’d suggest we go swimming tomorrow.”

“Excellent,” Luke grinned, already done with his portion.

When they later made their way to their new home for the following three weeks, all were in a good mood, turning the radio up, some kind of rock radio station, and singing along loudly without a care in the world. What did it matter if they hit that note?

Calum was as content as ever, though he stopped singing after a while, he loved listening to his bandmates harmonising, especially with Luke’s golden voice right next to him. He’d always loved listening to him sing. Years ago, when they still had to rent and share shitty hotel rooms, Luke used to sing all the time because he knew Calum didn’t mind if he sang the most cliché songs with a voice pitching like a 10-year old. Now, as the sun was slowly sinking into the bright blue sea and turning the sky into a fiery play of red, violet and orange, Luke was totally absent and staring out the window while still singing to himself, although quieter now. Calum didn’t mind him being so distracted, it allowed him to stare at him without being caught, noticing the way his golden curls were turning into pure gold due to the sunlight hitting it at just the right angle, noticing the light stubble on his jawline making it look even sharper, noticing how he already had a light tan making his skin shimmer with a light bronze.

It was one of these moments Calum actively realised what he was doing. He was staring at Luke - he was admiring him. Not in the brotherly way he usually did with Michael and Ashton as well, no, it was pure admiration in a romantic way, something he thought was in the past. He has had a crush on Luke before, several to be truthful, but they had faded away quickly after having to endure Luke going without a shower for a whole week, or when he caught him making out with a girl he had met just half an hour before in the back of a pub they’d been getting drunk at. Calum hated Luke for always giving into such flings. It was disgusting and without any respect, neither for Luke himself nor the girls that always hoped for more from him and yet were always left disappointed when they continued their tour the next day and had to leave.

Calum on the opposite was much too cautious to just give into anything coming his way - when he allowed himself to fall, he fell heavily and with his whole heart, which was exactly the reason he guarded his heart devotedly and has never had more than one relationship. Which had been years ago.

“Everything alright back there?” Michael asked from the driver’s seat with a glance in the rear mirror, pulling him out of his reverie. Calum swallowed hard and forced a smile. “Yeah, we’re good.”

Michael didn’t notice anything and redirected his attention back on the road, rejoining Ashton with the Green Day song they now turned up.

Now Luke’s attention was back on them, and he showed Calum a quick grin before joining his bandmates by air-playing the drums with almost as much body commitment as Ashton usually showed.

It didn’t help that his muscles were now on full display, highlighted even more with every bass drop.

Calum turned to look away and focused on the outside rushing past him, wishing they’d arrive soon and for the first time doubting if this trip was  _ actually _ a good idea.

  
  


The small beach house he had rented for them was foreclosed from others and surrounded by tropical woods and with a beautiful white sand beach. Neither Michael nor Luke could hold back when they came to a halt in the late night, jumping out of the car and rushing to examine the bungalow like children on their first trip far from home.

It wasn’t long, and Calum heard a call from the inside while unloading their bags with Ashton.

“ _ Calum Thomas Hood. _ ” He froze. That was definitely Michael, and he didn’t sound too amused. Calum and Ashton exchanged a worried look before turning around to an annoyed Michael ripping the door open. “You’ve got to be kidding me, Hood, I swear to god. We’re not even getting separate rooms? I won’t share a room with you, let that be fucking clear, I’ve had to bear your ass for the last weeks. I’ve had enough of you staying up all night, you fucking understand? Ash, you’re coming with me. Luke, sorry, not sorry, but sometimes you fucking snore like an old man.”

The blond had appeared behind him and now absentmindedly made way to a fed up Michael storming off into the house once again.

“What’s going on?” Luke asked, painfully unaware to what Michael had just said. Calum, on the other hand, was bummed out. Three weeks in the same room with Luke - was he fucking stupid? They had shared bedrooms a thousand times before, but this time... it would be different. He felt it, and it made him tired and angry. He didn’t want to be uncomfortable around Luke, he was 27 for fucks’ sake! They’ve been friends for two decades!

“Cal, you didn’t do that on purpose, did you?” Ashton asked and casually grabbed a trolley from the trunk, still, even he could barely hide his disappointment.

Calum slowly sank against the car. “Fuck, no, I didn’t. I guess it was just… out of habit? Shit, I didn't catch that at all when I booked this thing.”

“Oh, it’s alright, man, don't worry. I think we’re used to sharing.” Ashton tried to comfort him and gave him a wink, Calum could barely muster up a smile.

He had longed for this vacation to be relaxing and now it turned out to be probably the most stressing vacation he'll ever have, and they’ve just arrived... He knew, when Michael was mad, it could take hours for him to cool down.

_ Great,  _ he thought while carrying his bag into the bungalow,  _ this will be awesome. _

Sarcasm off.

That evening none of them was up to anything - not even Luke, and he usually had his way of making up the stupidest dad jokes that were usually so bad you had to actually laugh. But not tonight. They ate in silence, watched TV in silence, only Michael with his guitar provided some variety in sound.

When Calum got up to go to sleep, they all mustered a quiet “Night”, but Calum had to accept that, it was his fault after all, he thought.

He was unpacking his backs and sorting t-shirts, jeans and other clothes into his drawer when the door opened and a sleepy Luke came in, yawning.

“Damn, you’re unpacking everything? I think I’m way too tired for that,” the blond said and raised his eyebrows in admiring disbelief. He only took his shirt and jeans off and dropped onto his bed, settling in on his right to face Calum and watching him closely as he continued to empty his suitcase.

Calum though, was too stressed out to know what to say and directed his full attention onto making neat piles with t-shirts, even organising them by colour.

“Cal, can I ask you something?” Luke’s voice was already sleepy and almost childlike.

Calums hands came to a halt midway. “Sure.”

“Why was Michael so pissed off?”

His heart began beating regularly again. He didn’t even notice it stopping for a second, but he realised how relieved he was it was not a personal question.

“He wanted separate rooms, but I somehow messed it up when I booked this place. But I get it, he wants some peace after months of being in a room together, I don't blame him. It’s my fault.”

He heard Luke rustling with his blanket, he was probably tucking himself in. Calum didn't dare turn around. Then Luke’s sleepy voice arose one last time, barely audible anymore: “I don't mind sharing with you, Cal.”

This was ridiculously obvious, seeing as they’ve slept in one room together for ages, but Luke’s words still ripped something from Calum’s sanity.  _ He doesn’t mind?  _ Without wanting to, his heart began racing again.

But then Calum forced himself to stop overthinking. He wouldn't allow himself to go any further with his thoughts - not until… until what? There would be no solution to this, not this week, nor any other, it was a dead end, his... thoughts. Intrusive thoughts. Because that's all it was, right? His brain playing with him, tricking him into seeing things in his best friend that weren’t actually there.

When he finally turned around to go to bed as well though, he felt his heart sink at the sight of a sleeping Luke, his golden curls framing his face, a perfectly content expression on his face. He looked - what was the word again? But as soon as Calum remembered it, he wanted to slap himself.  _ Angelic.  _ He snorted. Luke was far from being angelic, just like everyone else. Angelic, what a joke, that was a fully grown man he was looking at, not some Michelangelo painting.

Calum turned his back on Luke to take off his clothes, turned the lights off and got in his bed with only his boxers. Although he usually slept on his left side, he now lay on his right, facing the wall. If he couldn’t stop his thoughts, he could at least avoid having them by avoiding Luke, he said to himself, too afraid to notice the absurdity in his train of thought.

As 5 Seconds of Summer woke up the next morning, all were surprised to find they’d had lost sight of why they had been in a bad mood the day before, and when the smell of coffee reached their noses, they were more than thankful for Ashton waking and getting up first.

Calum yawned and stretched, barely awake.

He quickly looked over to Luke, just to check if he was awake, but he could hardly find him under his blanket. Fine, he wouldn't wake him then.

Calum got up and ready, entering the kitchen minutes later and sitting down next to Michael at the kitchen table. “Mornin,” he yawned, earning a slap from Michael. “Ow!”

“Close your mouth, you lil’ bastard.”

But Michael was joking, thank god. No bad blood.

“What about Hemmo, is he up yet?” Ashton asked from the cooker, seeming to make something closely resembling scrambled eggs.

“Nah,” Calum answered. “Still asleep.”

“Alright.”

They decided to put some leftovers for Luke in the fridge and had breakfast without him, catching up on news and their families.

“Did you get that Liverpool lost yet again yesterday? Honestly, this is a shitty year for football, I swear, they’ve never been this bad,” Calum said after he finished eating.

Ashton shrugged. “It's not like Manchester’s any better. Or ‘Barça’. Since Ronaldo retired, the whole football world has gone to shit.”

“Well. True.”

They began clearing the table and quickly agreed on going swimming right after. But while Michael and Ashton just went with their underwear, Calum went back to his room to grab his swimming trunks.

By now Luke seemed to have woken up, sitting on his bed and rubbing his face to conquer his tiredness.

“Good morning sunshine,” Calum grinned, amused by his friend's bed head.

Luke groaned. “What time is it?”

“Mhm… nine o’clock. Time to get up. We’re going swimming.”

“Now?!” Luke collapsed back onto his bed. “No way. I can’t, I’m so fucking jet legged.” He once again rubbed his eyes, and Calum almost felt sorry for him - just almost.

It was time for Luke to get up, he decided, and only seconds later he ran from a dripping wet, angry Luke cursing him out, he laughed his ass off and dived right into the cold, fresh ocean. What did it matter that he was fully clothed, he was on vacation after all, wasn’t he?

It took Luke what seemed like an eternity to change into his swimming trunks, but when he finally joined his friends, he immediately took revenge on a fully clueless Calum and shoved him underwater. They broke into a full on water fight Ashton and Michael couldn’t resist as well, and for half an hour they did nothing but try to dunk each other, splashing themselves and teasing and laughing.

_ This is what it’s all about _ , Luke thought.  _ Julie would never have agreed to something like this.  _ He started floating on his back, letting the sun warm his skin, and just enjoyed the refreshing cold of the ocean.

“Hey Luke, what are you doing out there?” Michael shouted at him after a while, and Luke snapped back to reality. The laughter had died. A shiver ran down his spine when he noticed how far his friends were - no, how far  _ he _ was from the shore. He must’ve been caught by the current while being soaked up with his thoughts.

He began swimming towards the beach, but it was quite a distance, and the current was working against him. His heart began to pound.  _ Okay, Hemmings, no need to freak out. You can do it, only a bit more, come on. _

But it was hopeless. He couldn’t do it, he needed help.

“Mike!” He began calling out, “Ash, or Cal, I need help, I’m serious right now!”

He hoped his voice didn't sound as shaky as it felt, but he quickly started worrying about other things. The waves began hiding his friends from him, and he wasn’t sure if they were even moving towards him or not. His arms were burning, and now his shoulders started hurting as well, which didn’t contribute to him trying to calm down.

He was about to call out again when he noticed a shadow to his right, and that was it. Luke began to panic like a 5-year-old.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you go, Part 2! I hope you enjoy it :))  
> I will update this in the following week so stay tuned i guess

Luke began to swim away from it, saw his life passing by, then something grabbed his arm - and thank god, he quickly realised it was a hand and nothing worse.

“Calum?” Luke’s voice almost broke from the sudden change of situation.

“How long can you hold your breath?” Calum panted, and Luke’s eyes widened.

“You want to dive?!”

“We gotta, if we want to get back to the shore, you dumbass, why do you think you weren't getting anywhere?! On my mark, you'll hold your breath and dive, got it? On my mark!” Luke nodded, already preparing, and when Calum yelled “Now!”, they fully submerged.

It was immediately much quieter and calmer, but that didn’t do much for Luke.

They noticed hundreds of fish passing them by, and Luke tried to follow Calum’s directions. It wasn’t like they didn’t know how to communicate with just looks.

When they finally surfaced, they were almost back at their beach, and Michael and Ashton hurried to help Luke get out of the water. He let them, too weak to argue, but what didn’t escape his attention was Calum staying a bit behind.

“You okay?” Ashton asked, worried, and Luke nodded.

“Yeah, I’m fine, I'm fine.”

He still allowed them to help him back to the bungalow, where he grabbed a towel and wrapped himself into it, then he sat down on his bed, a nervous wreck after this whole adventure. He tried to stop his hands from shaking, but no use. Calum followed him inside shortly after.

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yes, Cal, I’m fine.”

“Okay, then why did you almost drown out there?”

“I don’t know. I panicked.”

“Well, you _have_ been tense these last few days.”

Luke immediately noticed the change of tone, and if Calum was insinuating what he suspected him of, he'd rather their conversation ended right here and now.

But Calum continued: “You're still upset, aren't you? About Julie.”

Great. And they were back at it again.

“No, I’m not, but if you continue with these bullshit theories, I’m gonna get real fucking mad. Mad at you, to be clear.”

He stared back at Calum, who hesitated, but then seemingly decided against arguing. “Whatever. I'm gonna go into town.”

“What?”

“I said I'm going. I need to clear my head.”

Calum disappeared into the bathroom, got changed and left without another word or look at Luke.

He was all alone again, but Luke decided not to work himself up about it. He should take a warm shower and eat something.

Most people don’t worry too much about their friends going out, or jogging, or whatever. They know they’d be back within reasonable hours, and usually Luke was pretty chill regarding such matters. But when his eyes found his phone clock once again and it showed half past eight, well, he did begin to worry. Calum was no one to disappear for such a long time - and by now he had been gone for almost eight hours. So naturally, Luke was absolutely on edge.

When someone knocked on the bedroom door, he almost jumped, his voice high and croaked when he let out a “Yes?”

But it was Ashton, his hand running through his hair being the only indicator that he was equally stressed out by Calum’s absence. “We, uh, wanna watch a movie together, want to tag along?”

Luke slowly shook his head. “No. Appreciate it, but I can't, I'm tired.”

“Okay, no worries.” Ashton began to close the door, then hesitated midway. “You know he’ll come back soon, right? I mean, I don't know when, but he’ll come back. He technically can't go anywhere.”

“Yeah, I know.” But he didn’t, not really. Calum was known for being the most spontaneous of them at times, and he has disappeared for days in the past without saying anything, so what’s stopping him now? Luke realised he was biting his bottom lip again, an old habit from his teenage years when he still had a lip ring, but he didn’t care that it hurt.

For the first time, he began to wonder if maybe he wasn’t as ‘fine’ and ‘good’ as he tried to convince everyone of. He knew Michael had dealt and still dealt with anxiety and depression, but never in a thousand years did he expect it to happen to  _ him.  _ Or maybe it wasn’t and he was just reading into things? Does that happen, do people imagine to have an anxiety attack? If yes, then that was fucked up. But Luke was fucked up, he realised. It was just a question of how badly.

His restless sleep was interrupted just so suddenly when someone bumped into their drawer in the dark and started cursing.

Luke frowned, eyes barely open and voice raspy. “Cal?”

Silence, then: “Why are you still awake?”

“You woke me up.”

“Oh.”

He heard shuffling, then he could make out a silhouette across from him sitting down on the opposite bed.

Calum turned on his bedside lamp and began to untie his converse. They were dusty, just like his shorts and shirt he took off afterwards. Luke raised an eyebrow.

“So, are you gonna explain this or do I seriously have to ask?”

Calum stopped after taking his t-shirt off.

“Explain what?”

Suddenly, Luke felt his worries turn into something different: anger. He was really, really fucking mad at Calum.

“Oh, I don't know, maybe where the fuck you've been the last eleven hours? What the hell you've been doing all day? Have you gone mad?! You just walk off, doing god knows what god knows where, and expect us not to worry?! No call, no texts? I've been worried  _ sick _ , Calum. We’ve never been to this fucking island, you could’ve just tripped and broken your ankle in the dark and we never would’ve found you! You fucking  _ asshole _ .”

He knew that he was too loud, but Luke didn't care, just like Calum didn’t seem to care about keeping them updated about his whereabouts.

Only that now, he apparently caved in.

“Yeah, I know.”

Luke was too caught up in his rage to understand. “You know what, Calum?”

“I know I shouldn’t have done it. Okay? It was dumb. I just didn’t think about it.”

“Then please tell me what you've been doing all damn day.”

“Oh, nothing much, honestly. I mostly walked around, ate dinner with some girls, a bit of sightseeing.”

Luke felt something pinch his gut. So Calum spent his day with girls. Interesting. Not at all, of course.

“I invited them over for Wednesday night.”

Okay, _that_ was the final straw. “You  _ invited _ them? You don't even  _ know _ these girls!“

“Oh come on, Luke, I’ve talked to them for  _ hours _ . They don't know we’re a band, and they were incredibly nice and welcoming. I don’t see what’s wrong with retaliating.”

Calum raised an eyebrow, daring Luke to argue, but he didn’t to his surprise. Instead, Luke snuggled back under his blanket.  “Fine. We’ll have them over. Good night, Calum.”

Calum stared at his friend’s back, unable to fully grasp what just went down between them, when Luke raised his voice one last time: “And can you please turn the fucking light off?”

Calum did.

When Luke woke up the following day, Calum was gone once again, and he started to wonder if it was going to be like this every morning from now on: he’d wake up, and Calum would be gone, his bed empty and cold.

He let out a sigh and got up.

Once Calum had convinced him to come, Luke had been looking forward to this vacation, but now, three days in, he started to regret it. They’ve never been in such a bad mood, and definitely not for days after days. It bothered him, being cross with his best friend, usually most of their fights were resolved within a day - but they hadn’t said a word to each other for two days now.

When Luke entered the kitchen, Ashton and Calum were playing chess, barely looking up when he came in. He tried not to read into it, but he was an easy victim to overthinking. He started making himself some coffee to distract himself, but it hardly worked.

“Not even a ‘good morning’?” he eventually asked, voice more bitter than intended. “I said ‘hello’ minutes ago.”

Now Ashton looked up. “Sorry, Luke. We were caught up, I guess.”

If it had been anyone else, Luke wouldn’t have believed them, but Ashton - if there was someone who was almost always honest, it was Ashton. So he caved in.

“No, don't worry. It’s fine.”

Ashton and Calum finished their game quickly after and when Michael joined them as well, just gotten up, they decided to spend their day outside and explore the island.  _ Fine,  _ Luke thought,  _ maybe then Calum will get over his attitude. _

Calum was glad he didn't have to once again share a backseat with Luke. Instead, he always kept at least a few feet behind him, even though he still had to force himself to not stare at his bare back. It wasn’t like Luke was the only one who took his shirt off, they all were only wearing shorts and sneakers in this hot weather. Up until yesterday, the air had been a comfortable 24°C, but now it had risen to a warm and dusty 31°C, which made it hard to keep cool with thick shirts.

Calum preferred it anyway, he walked around half naked all the time, especially in summer at home. And feeling the breeze on his bare skin was a much too nice feeling in combination with the breathtaking view of the ocean all around them.

They were quite high already when they decided to stop for a few minutes, almost at the highest point of the mountain range. Michael gave them all water bottles from his backpack and sat down next to Calum at the edge, feet dangling a good hundred feet above the forest. They drank and relaxed in silence, then Michael cleared his throat.

“This is gonna sound weird, but are you okay, Calum?”

He turned to look at his friend, surprised. “Yeah, of course. Why?”

Michael shrugged. “I don't know, you were gone for so long yesterday, I just thought that maybe something’s wrong.”

“No, I’m fine. Just had to clear my head, from everything. I must've been more stressed than I realised.”

“Aren’t we all.”

“Especially Luke, though.”

He and Michael exchanged a suspicious look.

“You mean because of Julie.”

“Maybe.”

“Cal… can you keep this to yourself? You can, right?” Michael hesitated, then shook his head. “Honestly, he was way more upset because of you two days ago than because of Julie.”

Calum let out a dry laughter. “Yeah, that's what he makes it look like, huh. Luke isn’t doing fine, no matter how much he wants to convince us. I'm not buying it, Mike. His heart was fucking crushed because of that woman.”

Both turned to look at their lead singer. He was kicking a football around, always a step further than Ashton, but they were laughing both at their silly attempts to regain the ball after losing it over and over again.

Michael raised his eyebrows. “Yeaaaaaah, right.”

“Oh, come on, just because you can’t see it doesn't mean it isn’t there. He's not himself, I’m telling you.”

“I'm not saying anything.” Michael raised his hands in defence. “I just think you’re overreacting.”

“Alright.”

But it wasn’t alright - because Calum  _ knew _ Luke, he knew him too well to put his current behaviour off, for now though he let it go for their friendship's sake and got up, giving Michael a hand.

“Come on, let’s get going.”

The path led them past the highest mountain top and back down from there on, which was more than welcome and much easier than trying to cycle uphill. It also gave them more time to concentrate on other things, such as the party that was supposed to happen tonight, much to Luke’s reluctance.

“I still think we shouldn’t do it.”

Michael groaned quietly, already expecting what would follow, and sure enough, something inside Calum tore. His patience.

“Why not?” he snapped. “You’re gonna be the first one to hook up with one of them either way, don't act like you don't want to have some fun to get your mind off of things.”

The other three came to halt, and Calum struggled to do the same.

“Cal, you need to stop. Get your fucking act together.”

Ashton stared at him, and his expression, only really noticeable in his eyes, made Calum row back immediately. “Okay, okay. I know. I'm sorry. I’m sorry, Luke.”

“Sure.”

Luke stared at him, and Calum stared right back, none of them wanting to give in first and be the one to surrender. For the first time in his life, Calum didn’t recognise himself, and that truth scared him more than anything. He lowered his head, being the first to break their silent fight.

“We should probably head back,” Michael eventually said, fully aware of the suddenly tense atmosphere he broke. No one said a word, but they all got back on their bikes and followed him.

Calum was the last in line, falling back with every passing street sign. His mind was a damn mess. What had he done? He's never stepped so out of line before, and even less with Luke. Sure, he's been angry at him before, but this was different. It was way ahead of anything that’s happened before.

When they returned to their house, Calum’s hands hurt from having had such a firm grip on his handlebars all the way back.

He went to their room - his and Luke’s, he remembered to his dismay - preparing to face his friend again, but Luke had disappeared outside with his guitar and therefore Calum was on his own. He dropped down on his bed, and before he knew what was happening, tears started rolling down his cheeks.

He fucked up, he had fucked up so badly. He really had managed to fuck up his dearest friendship, no, his brotherhood with Luke in just a few days, and only because - well, because of what? He had no answer. He didn't know anything anymore, and the least did he know what was wrong with him. This wasn’t normal. No one behaved like a fucking psychopath out of the blue. Calum dried his face, slowly calming down, but there were still tears coming.

He locked himself in the bathroom in hopes of not being caught by his friends, or worse, Luke. A quick look in the mirror almost made him jump. His face was pale underneath his tan, and his hair looked absolutely awful.

“Well, I guess I’m not too well,” he whispered, trying to cheer himself up. It didn't work.

Everything seemed to fail him right now, so he did the only thing, taking a shower. It was time to get ready anyway, their guests would be here in two hours and Calum doubted anyone was already preparing anything to eat.

As he stepped into the kitchen, he fully expected… well, nothing, but there he was, Luke, cutting onions and stirring in several pots and pans. The blond looked up but quickly away again.

“I hope it’s alright, Ashton told me you wanted some food for tonight.”

Calum didn’t know what to think.

“Why wouldn’t it be?” He asked, unable to understand why on earth Luke was cooking... for him. “But what are you doing, Luke, come on. You should… you should be mad at me. For good reason.”

But Luke only shrugged. “Calum, I don't even know why we're fighting. Let's just get over it, and we can all go on and actually enjoy our time here. Because these last few days, honestly, they were hell.”

That he was right about. But Calum still couldn’t fathom that Luke forgave him just like that.

“Aren't you mad at me? Why aren’t you - I said much more than I should've to you. That wasn’t okay, not at all.”

“Yeah, it was pretty fucked up this afternoon, but I think you’re right. I only understand that now. Took me too long to realise, anyway.”

“Realise… what?”

“That I’ve basically become a fuckboy.” Luke dryly laughed. “It should’ve become clear earlier, but well. Thank you for telling me, though. That's what friends are for, right? Telling you the truth. Even when it hurts.”

Shit. Shit, shit, shit, this was not what Calum wanted at all.

“Luke, you’re not a fuckboy. Okay? You're not. Hell, you're one of the most respectful people I know! It’s not your fault that other people expect more from you than you want to give, that's their fault. You can't please everyone.”

“Then tell me, why did I basically hook up with every girl I met in a bar and remotely liked? Isn’t that what fuckboys do?”

“Stop  _ saying _ that word. It’s such a dumb concept. You're allowed to kiss people, to hook up, have One-Night-Stands. No one cares. It’s your love life. So stop. Saying. That.”

Now Luke put down the knife and turned to stare at Calum. “Then why were you so damn upset?”

The dark haired one felt as if caught in the act. “I don't know. I guess… I just don’t want you to compensate for your feelings with complete strangers.”

“My feelings. Calum, you make it seem like you don't  _ want _ me to be over Juliet. If that's the case, just say it, but please stop trying to keep me from living my life. I can understand if you liked her.”

“I fucking hated her, Luke.”

“ _ Oh wow _ ,” Luke said, caught off guard. “That I didn't expect. Okay, that's fine, too. You didn’t have to. It's over anyway.”

“Yeah, but look at what she did to you.”

Luke turned around, but the former relaxed atmosphere had turned tense. “What do you mean?”

“You're not yourself. Michael might not see it, but I sure as hell do, I know you better than myself. Something’s up, but you won't tell me, and that’s fine, but then don't judge me for not helping out later.”

“I’d never judge you, Cal.”

“I know. You're better than me.”

“That's not - stop doing that. That's not the point.”

Calum couldn't help a smile and tried to hide it, but Luke immediately lit up as well.

“Are we good?” Luke asked.

Calum was too weak to keep going. He nodded.

“Hug?”

Calum nodded again, but laughed at Luke’s childlike voice.

“You're an idiot,” he said as he wrapped his arms around the taller one, feeling him laugh.

“Yeah, I know. But you're worse.”

And what could Calum possibly counter, he knew Luke was right.

“That… resolved quickly,” Michael said when Luke and Calum later stepped outside to set the table on their sun deck.

“Well, turns out talking does solve some things,” Calum responded.

“Sure.” Michael raised an eyebrow, but didn’t say anything further and helped them with the plates. It didn’t take long until the doorbell rang, and when Calum opened the door, a wave of laughter sloshed into their bungalow.

“Calum!” One of them exclaimed, and one after the other gave him a hug before going inside and right through to the back.

They all bonded much quicker than Calum had expected.

“So you’re Stephanie, you’re Kaya, and you’re Eliza?” Michael repeated after they had been introduced by Calum, and the girls nodded one after the other. Eliza turned out to be the only one not sporting long, dark brown, but instead long auburn hair, but she was still tanned like the other two. Their brown hair was the only thing Stephanie and Kaya had in common though, because between the two of them was a huge height gap of almost a foot. Kaya’s legs therefore seemed to be incredibly long, and she easily could look into Luke’s eyes. Which she did. Almost the whole evening.

Calum was speechless how he seemed to be the only one noticing how she didn’t leave Luke’s side even once.

But then again, contrary to their friend, Eliza and Stephanie both were talking and laughing with all the other three boys. Calum had to admit that Stephanie was one of the funniest people he’d met, which was no surprise regarding the fact that she had been the one to first talk to him two days prior. She had the personality of an entertainer, which made it a lot easier for him to ignore Luke with Kaya.

Still, when Kaya took Luke’s hand into hers, Calum had to resist the urge to say something rude, so instead he got up.

“I’ll get some more water,” he told Ashton, who absently nodded. No one seemed to notice what he was doing, therefore Calum was all the more startled when the glass door opened behind him as he filled up a carafe.

“Oh my god!” He exclaimed and turned around to a mischievously grinning Luke. “Fuck, Luke.”

Luke laughed. “Calm down, man.” He opened the fridge and grabbed some more orange juice for their cocktails. “I’m sorry, Cal. For earlier. They are quite nice.”

The question escaped Calum’s lips before he could stop them: “All of them or just Kaya?”

Both froze, but to Calum’s surprise, Luke didn't seem mad. It was more disappointment than anger, which was even more irritating to him.

“Shit. So I’m doing again? I don't even notice it... That's so fucked up.”

Calum shook his head. “It's not you. You've talked to Eliza and Stephanie, but Kaya ignored Mike and Ash the whole time she's been here now.”

“Seriously? Aw, man. She seems nice, but that’s a bit disrespectful, isn't it?”

Calum nodded. “Come on, you go sit next to Ash, I'll talk to her. Maybe she’ll realise what she’s doing.”

He believed in second chances. He didn't want to label her as a bitch just because she got caught up in Luke Hemmings’ charm. It was irresistible, he knew that, so he went back outside with Luke and this time took his place next to the brunette. She smiled at him. “Hey, Calum! We haven't talked all night!”

_ I wonder why,  _ Calum thought to himself but answered loudly: “Yeah, weird, huh? We've got a lot to catch up I dare say!”


	3. Chapter 3

Calum yawned when he woke up the next morning and slowly rolled over to his left side to sneak a glimpse of Luke. As it happened, Luke was already awake and staring right back at him. Both started grinning.

“I can’t sleep any fucking longer,” Calum said. “I’m so hungover.”

“I’m not.”

“Yeah, because you didn't drink anything, you wimp.”

“So?” Luke laughed quietly. “It's never too late to follow my example, Hood. Online classes are 24/7, fyi.”

Calum threw his pillow at him, but started laughing as well, at least until the first wave of nausea hit him like a truck.

“Oh, fuck,” he panted, got up in a millisecond and ran into the bathroom.

Luke couldn't stop laughing.

“You two look like shit,” Luke greeted Ashton and Michael, both having their faces buried in their hands. He didn't bother trying to talk to them and ate for himself outside until Calum joined him, though a bit paler than before.

“You alright?” Luke asked, but Calum nodded.

“What do you think about going into town today?” Calum replied.

“I doubt Mike and Ash are up to it.”

“Well, I only meant you.” Calum tried not to blush, which was ridiculous, there was nothing embarrassing in asking your friend to spend some quality time alone. Right?

Luke at least didn't notice anything, which was good. He shrugged. “Yeah, why not. We haven't done anything together in a while. I mean, only us two.”

“Yeah, exactly.”

They fell silent, and for the first time this week, it was not an uncomfortable silence but a nice one. Just like old times.

As soon as Ashton and Michael went back into their room to nap and try to recover from their hangover, Luke and Calum locked the front door and got in their car.

Although Luke was younger and had passed his driver’s license years after Calum, he was always the one driving ever since he was allowed to. Neither had ever said anything, it had just happened after Luke passed his driving test, he slipped onto the driver’s seat instead of Calum. The latter didn't mind, Luke had become an excellent driver throughout the years. And Calum liked not having to concentrate on the road and could instead enjoy the view. Which was the ocean, obviously. Not Luke. Or his golden curls, no. Definitely not.

“Put some music on, would you?” Luke asked him, and Calum gladly focused on the variety of CDs that came with their car, deciding on some Foo Fighters and turning it all the way up, so loud they felt the bass in every cell.

Both started singing along loudly, and this time Calum didn’t try to look away, and when Luke caught him staring, he smiled widely at Calum in between the words of “The Pretender”.

Calum’s heart was racing - but the good type of racing: The ‘I’m so fucking happy to be here with you right now’-type. They rolled the windows down and let the warm summer air in.

Calum’s phone started buzzing as soon as they sat down in the little cafe on the edge of town.

“It’s Ashton,” he told Luke and answered the call. “Hey man, how’s it going?”

“Absolutely awful.”

Calum chuckled. “Well, at least you're awake again.”

“Barely. I feel like a zombie, and Michael  _ looks _ like one.”

Now Luke laughed as well, and Ashton must’ve heard him: “Where are you two by the way?”

“We’re in town, sipping some really nice coffee.”

“Ah, okay. We were just wondering. So… you two are good again?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“You’re saying that as if you two didn’t almost kill each other,” Ashton said. ”No, I'm joking. I’m glad you sorted it out. I hate seeing you down.”

“Thanks, bro.”

“No problemo. Anyway, I was calling to ask you to look for a supermarket, we need a few things. I’ll text you what we need.”

“Will do, Captain Iriwin.”

He heard Ashton laugh. “Shut up, Cal,” his friend said, then they hung up.

“What is it?” Luke asked, sipping on his cappuccino.

‘We’ve gotta run some errands. Apparently we’re out of -“ Calum peeked at the newly arrived text message from Ashton, “cheese. Yeah, what else would we run out of first. Fucking cheese.”

Luke grinned.

They decided to look for a supermarket later and slowly strolled through the small alleyways and backstreets, taking pictures of each other and with each other in front of a statue of Jupiter or in a beautiful pergola covered in white roses.

When they sat down on a bench with some cold water and a view of the beautiful and deep blue ocean, far underneath them, Luke crossed his arms. “You know what's sad? This right now is more romantic than my whole relationship with Julie.”

Calum didn't know how to respond. _Did Luke just compare this to a date?_

“Cal, I think I need to apologise.”

Calum frowned at his best friend. “What for?”

“I lied to you. About… Julie and everything. I dont think I'm over her. You were right.”

Calum’s heart sank, but at the same time he was kind of relieved. Finally, Luke opened up.

“So what? That's totally okay. Luke, you didn't think I’d condemn you, did you? Oh my gosh, Luke... Are you  _ stupid _ ?”

The blond shrugged, helpless. He seemed to struggle with his emotions. “I just… I don't know why I lied. I was just embarrassed, I guess. It was nothing but a PR-Stunt and I fell for her like an idiot, when she obviously had no feelings for me whatsoever in the beginning.”

“Eh, yeah, but in the end she did.”

“But it wasn’t enough.”

To that Calum knew no answer. 

“I mean, it’s not like I didn’t expect it to happen, but it still hurt. It hurts still, who am I kidding.”

Calum didn’t even realise what he did when he carefully grabbed Luke’s hand, but once their fingers intertwined, it felt like the most natural thing. They’ve held hands before, but this was the first time Calum did it with full intent of wanting Luke to notice it was  _ him _ holding his hand, that it was  _ him _ reassuring and comforting him.

Although he hated Julie and how miserable Luke was because of her, he was almost thankful that they broke up - otherwise, who knew if he'd ever sat here, holding Luke’s hand. It was a fleeting moment, unfortunately.

As Luke’s phone began to ring, he let go of Calum's hand.

“Who is it?”

“My mum.”

That was unusual. Whenever Luke was on vacation or tour, he either tried to have as much contact as possible or as little as possible, simply to avoid missing his family too much. Liz calling was a rarity in situations like this.

“Hi, mum,” Luke said a few moments later and got up to bring a little privacy to the conversation, leaving Calum alone on the bench.

His hand was tingling. It’s as if he could still feel Luke’s fingers warm his cold ones, perfectly intertwined like they were meant to hold each other. He made a fist to shake the feeling off and scolded himself for giving into such a meaningless thing, obviously it was nothing. He had held Luke’s hands a number of times when he was down, or nervous for a gig. This wasn’t any different, and a quick glance at Luke made it clear to Calum that he was overthinking again, because Luke didn’t even look at Calum, he was fully unaware of him.

When his call finally ended, Luke sat back down next to Calum.

“Everything alright?” Calum asked.

“Yeah, mum’s fine. We should head back though, it’s almost five o’clock.”

It didn’t take long to find a supermarket, seeing as there were only two in the whole town. They hurried to get everything and left the shop with full bags, then headed to their car to get to their bungalow.

Throughout the whole way back, the music was much quieter, and both Luke and Calum enjoyed the fantastic sunset, which was almost as beautiful as the last one.

“I’m glad we did this today,” Luke said after a while. “Sometimes it's easier when it’s just us.”

_ It’s easier when it’s just us. Did he actually just say that? _

“Yeah, I know what you mean,” Calum responded, glad Luke was concentrating on the road and missed the faint red blush on his cheeks.

“Hey, Ash, can I ask you something?” Calum and his best friend were sitting on a large, flat rock hovering above the water, far away enough for Michael and Luke not to hear them. Ashton was laying down with his Sunglasses, Calum sat crossed legged next to him.

“Sure. What’s up?”

It was typical how Calum’s hands had automatically begun to fumble as soon as he got nervous.

“Well… I was just wondering. Did you ever feel attracted to someone that - well, did you ever feel... attracted to a guy?”

Silence. Ashton seemed to carefully put his response, as he always did. Then, after a while: “I think so, yeah. I guess everyone does at least once, or several times, and some might even realise they’re gay because if it. Which is fine, obviously. But it didn’t happen to me much, I only remember like, three or four dudes, and one of them was married, unfortunately.”

They chuckled, and it felt like a weight was lifted off of Calum’s chest. It wasn’t that he suspected any of his friends to be homophobic, but he was glad he got some reassurance. Now maybe, just maybe, it was normal that he started feeling in a certain way towards Luke - and that it would quickly fade again. Hopefully.

“Any other questions I may help you with?” Ashton asked in his professional therapist voice.

Calum grinned. “No, thank you. You're a great friend, though .”

Ashton lifted his sunglasses to look at Calum and had to smile, then held out his hand to fist bump him.

“You’re not so bad either.”

The rest of their first week went by without anything special. They made dinner together, sang karaoke, had drinking competitions and went water skiing, and not once did Calum or Luke get mad at the other.

Things changed though when Michael received a call and returned to the living room with an unreadable expression.

“Who was it?” Luke asked and all looked at Michael.

“Well,” he cleared his throat, “so, remember how I said I'd like to record an album by myself after Ashton released his?”

They nodded.

“Wel, turns out that one producer, Christopher Maison, is in L.A. and would like to meet with me. Like, tomorrow.”

“That’s awesome, Mike,” Calum said, genuinely delighted for him. He remembered all too well how many songs were slumbering in Michael’s studio back home, waiting to be polished and finished to be released into the world. But Michael didn't seem too excited.

“Cal, I'd have to leave tomorrow morning, immediately.”

Ashton sighed. “Mike, we all know how important this is to you, it's fine. This is once in a lifetime.”

“Are you sure?”

“Absolutely. Do you want me to come? I wouldn't mind.”

“No, Ash. You deserve some time off.”

“Oh come on, I’m more than relaxed. The past week was awesome as it was, I’m ready to work again. I thought you wanted me to collaborate anyway?”

“No, I mean, yeah, I did. But we can't leave Cal and Luke.”

The latter both hesitated.

“I don’t think I’d mind,” Luke finally said.

Michael turned to Calum: “And what about you? You've brought us here in the first place.”

Now all eyes were on the dark haired one. He shrugged. “It's up to you, man. If you think you’re ready, go for it. I won't stand in your way. Not for a stupid vacation.”

“It’s not a stupid vacation. I’m glad we’re here, it made me realise how needed it was.”

“Okay, but still.”

“I think it's the right time,” Michael said and looked down on his phone. “I've dreamt of it for so long.”

“Then do it!” Ashton said and grinned. Michael looked up again and slowly, a smile found its way onto his lips. “Okay, I’ll do it. I'll do it.”

  
  


The next morning, Luke helped Ashton and Michael get their stuff into their car and drove them all to the airport to see them off.

“Good luke, Mike,” he told his friend, hugging him tightly. “We’ll follow in a week.”

“Take your time.”

Then Luke turned to Ashton and hugged him as well. “Sure you don't wanna stay with me?” he teased him, but Ashton grinned and shook his head.

“As much as I love you, I miss my girl just as badly. And I wanna do something productive.”

“Fine, fine.” Luke gave him a soft nudge, then he let go of his friend.

Both Calum and Luke looked after their friends as they passed security and vanished into the gangway leading to their plane, out of their sight.

“Well, that's it then,” Calum said when they went back to their car. “Just me and ma best friend.”

They smiled at each other and Luke started the engine, unaware of Calum’s hideously happy expression.

“How about we eat out today? Remember that small restaurant by the fountain?”, Luke asked.

Calum did - it was very private, but beautifully framed by lots of rose bushes, and he surely didn’t mind not having to cook. He wasn't very good at it anyway, contrarily to Ashton.

It wasn’t crowded, only a few tables taken, and when they asked for an even more private table, the waitress happily led them through the room and out the back to a beautiful, but small backyard decorated with lots of fairy lights.

“Yeah, this is perfect,” Luke said, glad Calum seemed to like it as well.

“This is almost like a date, huh?” Calum responded, grinning at him. “Don't expect anything from me, though. I’m really bad at proposals.”

Luke chuckled. “Is anyone actually good at such things?”

“Hm, Michael?”

“Well. Good point.”

Luke remembered all too well the pictures of their friend proposing to Crystal - simple, but heartfelt, just like their wedding last year, and now they were actually awaiting a baby, which was still a bit hard to believe for Luke.

Now he and Calum enjoyed an evening with delicious food, several cocktails and too much dessert, therefore when they made their way home both were tired. But content all the way.

“How about a movie?” Calum asked when they took their shoes off and entered the living room slash kitchen area. “Avengers?”

“Civil War?”

“You get me, man.”

They planted themselves on the couch, and while the sky grew darker and the melodies sung by the birds outside slowly faded out, Calum sleepily began leaning against Luke's shoulder. This happened more often than Luke would admit to, but he didn't mind. No, actually he liked it, he suddenly realised - it was much more comfortable than it had been with Julie. Maybe it was because of Calum being much shorter than her, or softer with his buff arms he worked hard for the last decade, but did it matter? He fitted perfectly next to him.

And now as Calum’s breath was steadier signaling he was asleep, Luke didn't dare to wake him up again.

He grabbed a blanket and carefully tucked them both in to keep the cold out that came creeping in with the progressing night, and then continued watching the film.

If he had known what Calum would wake up to the next morning, he probably would’ve broken into cold sweat now. Instead, he, just like Calum, fell asleep, the movie’s music subliminally fading into his dreams.

Somehow, the sunrise on islands was always better than anywhere else: the way the sun made the horizon and the ocean glow before peeking out, the sky bursting out from a dark blue into violet and pink shades. Also, it shone directly into Calum's face.

“God damn,” he groaned, still half asleep. He was hot, and tried to get rid of his blanket only to realise it was… well, too heavy to be lifted so easily.

In fact, it was Luke’s arm laying on top of him, holding him, literally squeezing him to his side while his face was buried in the space between Calum’s shoulder and neck.

He felt his warm breath on his skin, and shivers went down his arms.

How the hell did  _ this _ happen?

He decided not wanting to know the answer, thankful he drank that last cocktail the evening before, and slowly shoved Luke’s arm away until he could move out from under the blanket.

Now standing next to Luke, he couldn't help but stare at him with fondness. He really was pretty, although Calum became aware of it quite often, he could never get enough of his looks. He loved his soft curls, the light stubble on his jawline, almost hiding how sharp it actually was. His cute nose, the light blue eyes. And he loved the way his lashes were only noticeable when the light hit them just right - like it did now.

Was this normal? Calum didn’t wanna know.

He had to force himself to leave, and when he later entered the room again after a quick shower to make some breakfast, Luke was awake and yawning, fully unaware of what had happened just half an hour ago.

Luke tried not to say anything, but it was painfully obvious something was up with his best friend. He lowered his fork and raised his eyebrows.

“Cal, what is going on? You've been acting strange all morning. It's getting weird.”

“Nothing’s going on.”

“Yeah, keep telling yourself that.”

“You're one to talk, Lukey. It’s nothing important. Maybe later, okay?”

But he kept avoiding Luke’s gaze all afternoon.

When they sat in the living room, Luke with his guitar and Calum with sheets of paper and a pen, his best friend cleared his throat.

“Eh, Luke, I guess you'll want your own room, now that Ash and Mike left theirs, right? Do you want me to move or do you want theirs?”

Luke stared at him in surprise. He blinked. “What?”

“What do you mean ‘what’? You don't have to share a room with me any longer. I'm just asking which one you want.”

He hesitated. Did Calum want to throw him out? Was this why he was behaving so strange? But that’d be an exaggeration, even for Calum. If he did want that, that be… well, that would hurt. He had never minded Luke sharing with him until now.

“And what if I don't want to, like at all?” Luke slowly said.

Now Calum looked up, disbelief on his face. “You don't?”

Luke shrugged in confusion. Did he? No. “I don't mind you, Cal. And if we’re being honest, we both know we’d both be too lazy to move all our stuff.”

Calum’s mouth twitched, he tried to hide his smile but failed miserably. “Yeah. True.”

They both chuckled.

“So what, was that why you were so annoying today?” Luke asked to Calum’s surprise, who didn't seem to expect him to still be bothered by his behaviour earlier.

The latter shrugged. “Eh, yeah, probably. I don't really know what was up with me.”

“Okay, but you’re done now? Cause it’s really tiring you know, you not responding to the bullshit I’m talking the whole time.”

Now Calum had to laugh, and just like that, the shadow hovering over their mood was gone. Luke was glad to see him smiling again.

  
  


For the next day, Luke had a plan: he wanted to go cliff jumping. When they had been in town, he had already asked a few locals about it, so when he shook Calum awake at five in the morning, he was excited like a puppy for it. Calum on the other hand neither knew nor understood how lucky he apparently was supposed to be to get up so early for ‘something special’.

“Jeez, Luke, leave me  _ alone _ . What time is it? Three in the morning?” He groaned as Luke stole his blanket from him, tossing it aside, and went to open the blinds, but no light entered the room.

“It’s not even sunrise!”

“It's  _ about to be,  _ Cal, come on, it’s five o’clock, that's totally acceptable. Trust me, it's gonna be worth it, just get up, please!”

Calum looked at him, the grimmest look on his face. “You're gonna pay for this,” he mumbled and stumbled out of bed with a sigh.

Ten minutes later they sat in the car, but taking another way Calum didn’t remember. But he didn’t ask, by now Luke’s beaming had sprung over to him and he was just as excited, whatever was waiting for him.

Dark green forests and streams flew by his window, then the trees slowly cleared the way for something entirely different: the sky. Okay, not actually the sky. But they were so high up, it seemed as if they'd drive right into the blue if they kept going, Luke though parked their car right where the forest broke off.

Calum got out and found Luke looking at him unexpectedly intensely, which send shivers down his spine.

“Do you trust me?” Luke asked.

“What?”

“Do you trust me, Cal?”

Of course he did. He’d probably trust Luke with his life.

“I do.”

Luke grabbed his wrist, and started pulling him towards the sky, right to the very edge of the cliff where they both took their shoes off.

Calum swallowed hard at the depth spreading out underneath him. That would have to be at least - 

“18 meters. Or something like that.” Luke’s voice shivered as much as Calum did. “It… just seems a bit higher than it is.”

“Surely.” 

“It's totally safe, it's an official spot.”

“Yeah.”

“Hundreds of people have done it before us. Thousands.”

“At least.”

They looked at each other, Calum suddenly totally aware they were holding hands, totally aware he was about to jump off a cliff with his best friend, Luke fucking Hemmings.

“You ready?” Luke whispered, a nervous smile making his lips twitch.

_ Ready? To jump off a cliff? Absolutely not. _

Calum squeezed Luke’s hand instead of answering, and they simultaneously took a deep breath and let themselves fall into the dark.

Hopefully no one heard their screams of joy echoing off the cliff.

The water was  _ cold _ . Not terribly cold, but enough to completely refresh you from top to bottom. They had to let go of each other when they plunged into the ocean, so when Calum came up to the surface again and took a deep breath, he immediately looked for Luke and was relieved to find him next to him, laughing like a maniac.

“That was awesome,” the blonde yelled, smiling like a little child and running his hand through his hair in order to get it out of his face. His eyes were as blue as ever because of the deep water surrounding him, and Calum couldn't help but grin at him.

“Fine, that was amazing as hell,” he admitted, but not without slightly rolling his eyes.

Luke immediately took revenge and splashed him with full force, trying to dunk him, but Calum wouldn’t let him win so easily and they began laughing and wrestling like they had when they were young.

It was liberating.

Eventually, Calum gave up. Luke was simply too strong by now, his arms too long, his moves to fast.

“Come on,” Luke urged Calum and swam to a little beach beside the cliff. Both knew the sun was about to rise, and they sped up the stone-staircase to the top of the cliff, both dripping wet. Luke got rid of his shirt beforehand and Calum just went along with it, taking his trousers off as well while he was at it.

They once again stepped up to the edge, both heavily breathing, but this time more excited than nervous.

“There she is,” Luke said, ndding towards the horizon.

And indeed, there she was: The sun. Her light began taking over the dark water, slowly turning it into a warm, inviting navy blue, small rays of lights turning the waves into glitter dancing on top of the infinite amount of water, the sapphire blue sprawling from the very left rim Calum could make out to the very right.

It was mesmerising.

“S, do I still have to pay?” Luke murmured, looking at Calum as if he was the reason they were standing on this very cliff.

Calum turned to him, completely serious to Luke’s surprise, and just softly said: “No, of course not.”

Then he took Luke’s hand, intertwined their fingers, and they once again took a step over the edge and let themselves fall. Only this time, it wasn’t dark, cold wetness awaiting them, but beautiful blue water filled with the warmth of the sunrise.

This time they didn't let go of each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright we’re getting a bit cheesy i see... do i regret it? No absolutely not


	4. Chapter 4

“Sometimes I worry about our fans,” Luke said while scrolling through his Instagram notifications.

“Yeah? Why?”

“I've posted your hand with that sunrise in the background and they're going crazy as to whose hand it is. Like... they need some therapy.”

Calum chuckled. “Yeah, probably. But I love them for it.”

Luke chuckled as well. “You know, although our tour ended only weeks ago, I’d do it again next week. No kidding.”

“Nah. I've got some songs in my head, and I’d like some time off in the studio.”

“You do? Can I listen?”

Luke looked at him like a puppy discovering you had treats for him. It was outrageously cute, and Calum was shocked to feel the urge to kiss him.

“Yeah,” he rowed back, “but they aren’t nearly finished.”

“Oh come on, you sang literal lines to me when that was all you had of a song.”

So obviously, Calum gave in. It was a groovy song, definitely 80’s but somehow modern at the same time. When he finished the chorus, Luke was quiet.

“Cal. That was better than our first album as a whole.”

“I beg your pardon? Did you just insult our  _ self titled album _ ?” Calum asked, pretentiously offended. 

“That means it is  _ good,  _ Calum! It’s fucking amazing.”

“Oh, no no no, stop playing with me.” But honestly, Calum already forgave Luke. He was so bad at holding a grudge - especially when it came to his best friend.

“I’m not.” Luke nudged his side.

“Mhm.”

So he thought it was good - which made Calum’s stomach turn a bit. He highly valued Luke’s thoughts and opinions, seeing as he was the one who taught him to play the guitar in the first place and was excellent at it. He knew his stuff.

“You got any plans for next week already?” He asked to change the topic, which worked rather well.

“Yeah, I do. I am going to,” Luke began verbosely, “write music, play music, listen to music, play with Piggy, go over to your house, go over to Mike’s, Ash’s, you come over to me, rinse and repeat.”

“Oh? Why I gotta see you twice?”

“You don't want to?”

“I do but -“

“Good. So what are you doing?”

“I told you, studio. I still want to get better at playing the piano and that's the only place I can do that. Actually, would you mind looking after Dukey every once in a while?”

“Of course not. But what's with Roy?”

“I don't know, something with his family, I think.”

Which was a lie, but Luke wouldn't discover that, Calum decided.

He continued writing on his new song, and whenever he caught Luke staring at him, something inside of him seemed to catch fire. It was burning him, but then again it was a feeling like being high. Better than high, if he was being honest.

The rest of the week went by without any further events — only Calum laying wide awake at night, trying not to stare at Luke, who looked ridiculously cute when asleep.

He actually would’ve loved to stay longer, but he knew it wasn’t possible. As soon as they arrived back home in L.A., Calum had dropped off Duke at his and disappeared. Not that Luke would mind the cute, little dog, but it was unusual how Calum had barely said anything since they had boarded their flight home. Now Luke was at home on his terrace, a late afternoon filled with late-summer air. Both Petunia and Duke were laying next to him as he absentmindedly wrote word for word, line for line to a new song he didn’t even know yet, the phrases just flowed right out of his hands onto the paper.

“What’s that?“

Luke flinched when a dark silhouette appeared next to him.

“Goddamnit, Ash, was that necessary?“

“I brought whiskey,“ Ashton continued without answering Luke’s question. “Calum said there’d be a party here tonight. I invited a few friends.“

_That’s news_ , Luke thought and put down his guitar which he had been playing until now. “Okay? I guess. Who’s coming?“

“Oh, just the usual. Mitch, Alex. And Kaykay is coming later.“

Although Luke was still wondering why there was a party in the first place, he began putting his stuff away and went back inside to his kitchen.

“You got any stuff to eat? I could make us something,“ Ashton said while inspecting the fridge, which, to his disappointment but not to Luke’s surprise, was as empty as could be. Luke shrugged apologetically.

“Didn't have time yet,“ he explained. “We could just order pizza, if you want.“

Shortly after he had cleaned the kitchen and tidied his living room, the first guests arrived, and they all sat down outside around a fire pit, beer in their hands, pizza cartons on the table. Although Luke usually didn’t mind having people over, this evening he was pretty jetlagged and well aware of how absent he probably behaved. But it wasn’t just that if he was completely honest — he didn't hear anything from Calum the whole day and it was already midnight. Calum wouldn't ignore Luke for nothing. And yet, none of Luke’s calls had been picked up by him, no text message, nothing, only Ashton claiming he was told of a party by him. The sudden weight in his stomach was sickening and Luke hated how it felt. But he was still reluctant to ask Ashton about Calum. What if he did it on purpose? But that didn't make any sense. For the first time, Luke was lost. There had never been communication problems between them, they knew each other too well for that. Usually, at least.

He almost got up to pull Ashton aside when suddenly his phone rang, bringing him back to reality.

**_Cal_ ** _ is calling _

It took him a second to process the name, then Luke quickly got up and went inside before picking up.

„Yeah, Cal?“

He could hear his friend breathe heavily, slowly, then quietly: „Can you come an’ pick me up?“

Every cell in Luke’s body wanted to say no. He should be — no, he  _ was _ mad at Calum. That’s what he got for a whole day of being ignored? A plea to be picked up?

„Where even are you, man?“

„Hm. I don't really know, to be frank.“ Calum hiccuped, then glass shattered in the background. “Shit.”

„Are you okay?“

„Mhm.“

„Cal.“

„Ya.“

„Are you drunk?“

„Absolutely shitfaced.“

So that was the problem here. Calum was drunk and lost his orientation. Great. It wasn’t like L.A. was a huge city with countless streets, right? Getting lost here could have bad consequences, they all had had their fair shares in the past. So how was he supposed to find Calum now?

„At least give me something, Cal. I can't just magically locate you.“

„Yeaaaaah, right. Uh, remember that ugly ass house next to that one KFC? I passed that, like, half an hour ago, I think.“

„Okay, and now? I want to know where you are  _ now _ .“

„Oh. Well, not far from there. I just sat down here ‘cause I'm cold. Sidewalks really aren’t comfortable at all, though.“

Luke quietly groaned. He knew he was the only one still sober in his house, so he would have to actually go and find Calum by himself. Great. With such a detailed description that should be as easy as pie, right?

„Just, ah. Stay where you are, okay? I’m gonna pick you up. Don't move. Don't go  _ anywhere,  _ understood?“

„Yeah. Thanks, baby.“

Luke generously overheard that last bit and instead hurried to inform Ashton of his plan, then put on some more appropriate shoes than flip flops before grabbing his keys and leaving the house. The streets were empty, not a soul in sight, and Luke quickly made it to the aforementioned house. After that though, he struggled. Where would a drunk Calum go from here? How did he end up here in the first place? He was supposed to have been in the studio at the other end of town, not this close to Luke’s house.

He took several right turns, then lefts, merely driving 10 km/h as to not wanting to miss anything might leading him to his friend.

Due to the darkness, he almost missed Calum and hit the brakes harder than intended when he spotted someone huddling on the ground.

Although it was impossible to put a finger on what exactly triggered Luke’s reaction, his heart still felt a pinch when he examined the silhouette of his friend looking so exhausted.

He got out and walked up to his friend, going completely unnoticed until he sat down next to him.

“You're here,” Calum murmured, whether he was half asleep or losing consciousness was hard to differentiate. He buried his face in his hands. “Thank God.”

“God’s got nothing to do with this. Cal, what were you doing all day? You didn't answer any of my calls or text messages, completely ignored me, and then told Ashton I’d host a party? And then you didn't even come  _ yourself _ ?”

Though it was obvious that Calum was much too drunk to properly react, Luke still couldn’t stop himself from sounding bitter. This wasn't the Calum he knew, and while that scared him, it primarily made him angry.

“I don't know what’s going on with you at the moment, but I'd really appreciate some honesty from you instead of hiding whatever it is you're doing all day.”

“Mhm. Makes sense.”

_ Makes sense?  _ Yes, hopefully it did, Luke thought, boiling inside. He wasn't sure if he could control himself much longer if Calum continued this, so he got up, reluctantly offering him a hand.

“I think it's time to go home. Now.”

Calum didn't argue. Maybe he noticed Luke’s mood change. Hopefully.

It took all of Luke to half assist, half carry Calum to his car, and the ride back was uncomfortably quiet, except maybe for the emergency halt they had to make for Calum to throw up into some bushes.

They turned off the road into Luke’s driveway shortly after, Calum glad he could get out, Luke glad there wouldn't be any chance for Calum to throw up in his car as the next step, as it most definitely didn’t happen before, no, definitely not at all. The house was quiet, the others must’ve left already, and although normally he didn't mind having people over in situations like this one, he appreciated the gesture wholeheartedly.

Now the only question left was where he would put Calum to sleep.

Until today, he probably wouldn't have minded Calum in his bed to sleep out his hangover, but how he behaved today left a really bad impression.

“You think you'll be fine on my couch?” Luke asked, foolishly expecting a coherent answer from the drunk guy in front of him. Calum just shrugged. Was he even awake anymore or already asleep?

Luke manoeuvred him to the aforementioned couch, helping take his jacket and shoes off before laying him down and getting him a blanket.

If he weren’t still mad at Calum, he’d totally melt at the sight of him snuggling into the pillows, his hair a chaotic mess, a calm expression on his face.

Before he knew what was happening, he put out his hand to brush a few lost strands of hair out of Calum’s eyes.

Calum moved a bit, then softly reached for Luke's hand.

“Can you stay?”

It was barely a whisper - but in combination with their hands now intertwined, it sent heatwaves to Lukes cheeks. Fuck. This was not normal. Not at all.

So why did he find himself wanting to? Wanting to lay next to Calum? Wanting to hold his hand?

“Please, Luke.”

It was unfair how his voice worked like a charm on him, Luke thought to himself, angry that he wasn't angry anymore, and so he gave up. He simply couldn’t resist.

Sliding under the blanket next to Calum, the last bit of anger in him eventually vanished, and when wholly asleep Calum unconsciously turned around to snuggle with  _ him,  _ Luke couldn’t even think anymore. Maybe it was for the better anyway.

Being awakened by a wave of nausea definitely wouldn't have been Calum’s first choice, especially not in the context of being held captive by heavy arms with no way to escape. This was way too close and way too hot, he thought, panicking and trying to lift one of Luke’s arms while trying to ignore the penetrant feeling of experiencing a déjà-vu. He eventually made it and half shuffling, half stumbling, entered the bathroom.

Seeing as he was quite frequently here, he had collected and stole some of Luke’s hair and skin products over time, which Luke generously cleared one side of the bathroom cabinet for.

He threw up.

Calum was all too aware that he was currently battling his worst hangover to date, and it was a challenge to drink even a glass of water, but he managed and afterwards took a quick shower. Luke would have to put up with his mood already, no need to  _ look  _ disgusting as well. A change of clothes and some painkillers later, he made it to the kitchen and began making some breakfast to surprise Luke with later, it was the least he could do after last night. The feeling of disgust and sickness surely wasn't solely based on his over-the-top drinking game, there was definitely guilt taking its toll on his guts.

When Luke didn't get up even an hour later, Calum decided to just let it be and write him a note, sticking it to the fridge before collecting his clothes and leaving.

_ i’m sorry Luke, i really am. it was shitty from me, and it won’t happen again, promise. i made you breakfast - a small apology i guess - it’s in the fridge. text me later, okay? _

  
  


It took Luke the whole day to pluck up the courage and write Calum. The last hours had been pure torture: waking up alone but with the knowledge of someone having been there before; Luke was still mad at Calum and wanted him to feel it, and the breakfast didn’t exactly help. It was really good.

He tried not to think of it, but whenever he didn’t concentrate for even a moment, his mind wandered back to the way Calum’s arm had been wrapped around his waist, his face buried on his chest, eyes closed in blissful sleep.

Calum asleep was probably one of the cutest things he’d ever seen - which, of course, he wouldn’t admit to anyone and definitely not the guy himself.

This was not going as planned.

Luke couldn’t remember ever being attracted to a man before, and the fact that it had to be Calum out of anyone was probably the worst part. It was obvious Calum wouldn’t reciprocate any of this, he was just as straight as Michael as far as Luke could be concerned.

So this was an obvious dead-end.

Luke picked up his phone and quickly typed a “I’m coming over” before changing into a fresh pair of black jeans and a shirt, then taking off.

It was a fifty-fifty chance of Calum being in the studio, but what choice did he have really. So he made his way through L.A., pulled up to the small industrial building and went inside through the backdoor. It was unlocked, so  _ someone _ had to be there.

With every step up the stairs, numb guitars grew louder, and when he entered the studio itself, he was greeted by loud music, probably a demo.

Luke’s mind kind of trailed off when he spotted Calum.

He was sitting down, guitar in his hand, and playing, and with every second, the melody began swelling and clouding up Luke’s brain. His focus lay entirely on the dark haired man whose lean fingers flew over the frats, almost faster than Luke could play, he was just as submerged in his music as Luke was in the sight of him.

It was only when the song came to an end that both fell out of their trance, and Luke quickly cleared his throat to announce himself.

“Hey.”

Calum took his headphones off and Luke realised he didn’t hear him the first time, so he tried again. “Hey, Cal.”

“Hi.”

Both awkwardly shifted their stand and Luke waited for Calum to come out of the booth and put down his guitar. They sat down and for a few minutes, neither said a word, embarrassed about what had happened, mad at each other, and, at least in Luke's case, a bit mad  _ for  _ the other.

His hands were fiddling with his car keys, he couldn't help it, but he quickly let go of them when Calum took them from him.

“You’re annoying.”

“I know.”

“I’m sorry, Luke.”

“What for exactly?”

Calum sighed.

“The whole night, I guess. And yesterday.”

“Oh?”

“Yes. It was a dickmove.”

“Kinda.”

“Luke…”

Both stared at each other, one trying to apologise, the other desperate for clarity.

“Okay, fine. Fine. I'm sorry I ignored you, I'm sorry I put on a party and not coming. I’m sorry you had to pick me up in the middle of the night while I was drunk.”

“Why did you do it?”

Luke’s voice sounded more whiny than he would’ve liked, and he lowered his gaze to hide the blush on his cheeks from Calum.

“Lying to you? I don’t really know. I’m just… frustrated, I suppose. Ever since we went to that cliff, I can't take looking at you. I’m - you always get _everything_ , Luke. You always get everything you want or even don't want and... Sometimes I wish I wouldn’t have to help you get over your stupid breakups. Do you know how fucking shitty it is to watch you go from one girlfriend to the other? You don't even  _ like _ them, Luke. You don’t, you can't tell me you do.”

“Cal, there were only six in total.”

“So?”

“You’re overreacting.”

“No. I don’t think so. You may think you loved Julie, but I know you didn’t. You couldn’t even stand her sober.”

“That’s not…”

“No? So you’re telling me you weren't drunk on your first date? The first time you fucked her in your hotel room in Stockholm? The damn Music Awards?”

It wasn’t true. No. Luke had loved her, he surely had, he had spent so much time with her over months. And he definitely had been sober when hanging around with her. Right? But a little voice inside of him disagreed, and Luke buried his face in his hands to shut it out. It couldn’t be real.

“Look, I'm not gonna condemn you for it, I just think you should finally admit it to yourself. It's not the end of the world to be single. Been doing it for years,” Calum added bitterly.

It wasn’t clear what exactly triggered his reaction, but Luke looked back up at Calum again, and he was right - there was something in his expression, something underneath the bitterness and anger.

“Cal,” he began, but Calum cut him off.

“No, Luke, I don’t want to hear it, to be honest. Do you have any idea how awful it is to fall in love and not have it reciprocated? Several times, over years? I’ve watched you make out with all those girls, saw Michael get married, Ashton’s engaged, and I’m still a fucking loser.”

“You’re not a loser,” Luke quietly interjected.

“I am. It fucking sucks to see you throw yourself into stupid ass relationships only for some PR and fleeting feelings. Honestly, Luke, I thought you were better than that.”

Now something inside of Luke clicked. There was no embarrassment, no self pity left, instead there was… nothing. Maybe he was an asshole. Maybe Calum was right.

“So what now?” he asked.

Calum just shrugged. “ I said what I wanted to say.”

“You didn't tell me why you wanted to throw a fucking party.” Luke wasn't sure why he came back to that topic, but now he wanted to know the answer. Why did Calum? It didn't fit in the story.

“I thought maybe, if I got you to invite people, you’d fall into your habit again and you’d realise what you're doing.”

Luke froze.

“You fucking set me up?”

Calum shifted in his chair. “I wouldn't describe it like  _ that _ .”

But he should, Luke thought and got up, frustrated now. He began walking back and forth, unable to look at Calum without bursting into a rage he’d much rather avoid.

“So you’re telling me you’re jealous and that basically, I’m a whore? And that’s why you wanted to ‘expose’ me? That is so, so fucked up, Calum. Especially for you. What the actual fuck.”

“Luke, I didn’t…”

“You didn’t mean it? You did though. And that's fine, I guess. At least you're  _ finally _ being honest.”

“You want me to be honest?”

“Yes, I do!”

They were both shouting now, and Calum got up as well, just as much in rage as Luke.

“Fine! I'll give you honest! I fucking care about you, Luke! I care about you and that’s why I can’t fucking stand by any longer while you fuck yourself up, over and over again, like a damn idiot who’s too stupid to realise he’s better than all that bullshit! All you do is hurt yourself, do you even get that? You do it  _ all  _ the time! And I can't take it anymore! So if you wanna get a new girlfriend to fuck, that’s fine, but don’t fucking expect me to be there for you when it’s over again, because I won’t be there! I won’t, okay?!”

Luke stared at a heavily breathing Calum, who seemed just as shocked as Luke at what he just said.

Was Calum right? Was it all just a game? Luke didn't want to give up, but it was so hard to keep up the facade to himself.

“Cal, I never did anything like that on purpose,” he eventually responded, a bit calmer. “It wasn't exactly my plan to end up like a stupid heartbroken teenager.”

“You did, though.”

Luke inhaled deeply. “Okay, maybe I did. But it wasn't my intention, okay? And I certainly didn’t want _you_ to suffer from it.”

Calum turned away from him, which made something in Luke’s stomach freeze.

“Cal… I’m sorry, okay? It won’t happen again anyway. I don't think I even like women anymore.”

It was out before he could think, and for a second, both processed what Luke had just admitted. It was out, it was out that he possibly, maybe, _probably_ wasn’t as straight as he may have thought before.

Calum cleared his throat. “Well, I really don't want to keep fighting. I hate being mad at you all the time.”

Luke stared at him, wondering if Calum just overheard what he had said or was deliberately ignoring it.

“Let’s just settle this, okay? I'm sorry for yesterday, you promise not to do that shit again, and we keep moving on.” Now it was Calum fiddling with Luke’s car keys.

So that was it? No ‘What do you mean, Luke?’, no frowning? Nothing?

Luke stared at Calum, unsure of what to do, until Calum turned back to him and held out his hand with the keys. “Here.”

Luke reached out for them, and for the milliseconds their fingers touched, it felt like burning, so he quickly pulled back again. “I don’t want this to be awkward now.”

Calum hesitated. “What do you mean?”

“If you're still mad, then say it. I can’t handle being ignored by you again.”

“I’m not mad. Not anymore, I think. You should be the one being angry, anyway, what I did was bullshit. Just... just stick to your promise, okay?”

It hurt to see Calum avoid him, it hurt to feel them drifting apart, but Luke had no energy left to fight. So he left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, well, well, let’s see if they’re that good at ignoring the other, shall we?


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wonder why this chapter is longer than the others hmmm

Calum’s thoughts were out of control and spiraling since Luke had left him in the studio. His motivation to record something was definitely gone now, so he packed up and went back home. It was a quiet ride, he couldn't bear music as every song would only remind him of… well. Luke. Such a ridiculous connection, honestly, but Calum couldn't help it. He was thinking about Luke too much anyway, no need to bring any further heat to this, right?

But it didn’t help, his thoughts circling around their last conversation distracted him enough to almost cause an accident only a few streets from his house, so he was relieved when he pulled into his driveway and got out.

To his surprise, his house wasn't empty, when he entered the living room Michael looked up from his phone while sitting on his couch as if it was only natural.

“Sorry for intruding, man, but I figured you wouldn't mind,” Michael said. And well, he was right, Calum didn’t. He let himself fall down on the couch next to his friend and closed his eyes, exhausted from the day.

“What’s going on?” he wearily asked, curious as to what caused him to be honoured by his friend’s presence. Michael put his phone away.

“Actually, I'm kind of worried about you, Cal.”

“Oh, okay? Why?”

“Why? Seriously? Don’t make me repeat what happened. Ashton told me.”

So he knew about the party incident.

“So what?” Calum replied. “I'm not allowed to get drunk anymore?”

“You are, but you only get drunk to this extent when something’s wrong.”

No, that wasn’t true. He had just been drinking, like any normal person that wanted to get wasted.

Michael groaned. “Oh, come on, man, stop fucking pretending. Since when do you have to hide anything from me? It can’t be that bad.”

“It's not me, Michael, it’s Luke. I’ve got enough of him manipulating himself.”

Michael stared at him in disbelief. “Shit, you’re still on _that_ train? Calum, my dear friend, you’re behaving like a fucking 10-year-old right now.”

Calum crossed his arms.

“Okay, you listen to me now, got it?  _ Luke is over Julie.”  _ Michael took his time saying it to underline the meaning. “He is over her and you need to get over it, too, and I mean right fucking now.”

“This isn't about Julie, Michael, okay!” Calum finally bursted.

Great, now he had fucked up, and Michael’s expression of irritation didn’t exactly help. “It's not?”

Calum sighed and rubbed his eyes in frustration. “No. It’s not.”

“Then what is it about?”

Well? That was the big problem. Calum didn’t want to admit anything, but at the same time, he knew that he couldn’t let things continue this way. It was wearing everyone down.

“Think you can keep a secret?”

“Yes, always.”

Michael was right, Calum could always rely on him, it had been proven several times in the past. Yet, the words didn’t come out.

“Is it… something illegal?” Michael half-jokingly asked when Calum still didn’t continue.

He shook his head, though slightly amused. “No.”

“Did something happen?”

“No. Or at least, not really. Michael, I - oh for fuck’s sake, this is much harder to say than I thought.” Calum's hands were shaking, and he tried to suppress it to calm himself down. It didn't work. So he counted to three and then quickly said: “I think I fell for a guy.”

Michael neither seemed shocked nor surprised, which was irritating. Calum was sure he never said anything that might could’ve lead on to anything.

“Well, that's not the end of the world, is it? Being gay or pan or something is totally normal.”

“Yeah, that is normal. It’s _not_ normal though to fall for someone you've known for way too long.”

Now Michael looked back at him, intently.

“Okay, wait a minute. Who exactly are we talking about now?”

“Not you, don't worry,” Calum murmured. “Much worse.”

“ Oh, ” Michael finally exclaimed. “ _Oh_ , okay. Okay.”

“No, it’s not fucking okay.”

“I mean, probably not, but I'm glad it’s not me, that would be shitty with Crystal and all that.”

“Don't worry, Mike. Apparently I only fall for straight, blond curly-haired dumbasses.”

Michael made a noise as if to counter something, but then decided against it. “Okay look, I know this probably feels horrible right now, but have you ever considered… well, talking to him about it?”

“I'm not stupid, I know he doesn't feel the same way.”

Michael did not respond.

Great. Calum just confessed that he was in love with Luke - holy fuck - and nothing, nothing came from his friend.

“Don’t you have anything else to say?” he finally asked, totally on edge.

Michael sighed. “Cal, please calm down. Please. This is not the apocalypse. Maybe Luke does feel similar, you'll never know until you ask. It's not like you haven't been touchy for years or hugged for way longer than necessary.”

Calum felt his face burn. “That's not true.”

“Yeah, you go and convince yourself. Anyhow, you’ll never know unless you try.”

“I don't want to lose our friendship.” Calum quietly said.

This must’ve been the point where Michael understood what was actually the problem, because after short hesitation, he reached out and squeezed his shoulder.

“I promise you won’t. You like each other way too much, it's more than just a normal friendship, you've literally grown up together. Don't worry about that. It might be awkward, but that'll pass.”

“You sound quite hopeful.”

“I am.”

“You don’t know what it’s been like the past few weeks.”

“Oh, god, I’ve heard and seen enough, thank you. But seriously, what’s one fight, really. You've fought countless times so far, and there were some preeetty bad ones and you still got over it.” Michael got up and patted his shoulder once again. “I've got faith in you two. It'll work out.”

Calum tried to muster a smile, which failed embarrassingly, but oh well. He had already given up on pretending anyway. “Thank you, man. Seriously.”

Michael smiled. “You’re welcome. Now please do me the favour and take a shower, you really could use one. No front, obviously.”

He ducked from Calum’s attempt at kicking him and grinned, then he left the living room and Calum was once again on his own.

“Asshole,” he murmured. Surely he didn't smell  _ that  _ bad, he thought and sniffed his shirt before making a grimace. Okay, fine, maybe he  _ did  _ need a shower.

Michael was still a dick, though.

Their last interview must’ve been ages ago, at least Ashton couldn’t recall the last time they were talking about music or themselves to random people to promote anything. Naturally, they all struggled to make it on time for the appointment.

He and Calum had agreed he’d pick him up, so now he was standing in his driveway, waiting. It wasn’t that Calum was a typical person to come late, but in the last weeks it had gotten worse, and it was painfully obvious as to why.

Ashton tried not to annoy Calum with it, but sometimes his mood was simply too much to handle, even for him, which had put a strain on their friendship these last few days especially.

“Come on, Cal,” he mumbled, fingers drumming on the steering wheel, and quickly glanced at his watch. They would still make it on time if Calum came out now.

When he heard a door fall shut, he looked up in relief.

“Finally,” he said, probably a bit too annoyed, when Calum opened the door. He started the car and quickly reversed out of the driveway.

“Sorry,” Calum replied, still fiddling with his jacket. “Overslept.”

No surprise there. If there was one thing Calum did even more than shutting himself off in the studio at the moment, it was sleeping.

“You really need to get back to a regular sleeping schedule.”

“I know, I know. I’m trying, I swear.”

Ashton didn't want Calum to notice anything, so he simply agreed. Confronting his friend was a bad idea currently.

“Have you even talked to Luke lately?” he asked instead, already dreading the answer. And sure enough, Calum denied.

“Seriously, Cal? How do you plan on handling this today?”

“I’ll handle it like the grown man I am.”

“Yeah, sure.” Ashton dryly chuckled and a bit of the tension disappeared when he heard Calum chuckle lightly as well.

“They’ll notice, you know that.”

“They won’t. I’ll take care of it.”

But who are we kidding, sometimes Calum was like an open book. And he was his worst especially in interviews. But what choice did they have? Ashton would just have to distract everyone from the underlying suspension.

On the same day, Luke went all out.

The last time he had used this much eyeshadow and highlighter, put this much effort into his outfit, must’ve been at an award show or something similar, because this definitely didn’t count as casual anymore.

He stared at his reflection in the bathroom mirror and tried to make his eyes look happier, but he failed miserably. His guise would have to work the magic today, he decided.

It was a weak pretence that he was only doing this to make himself feel better. He most definitely wasn't, and when he looked at himself in his hallway mirror, examining if the black leather pants did their duty of making his legs seem even longer than they already were, he at least was satisfied with his appearance.

Time to go, then.

His fingers were shaking imperceptibly and he tried to put on a neutral expression when he got out of his car later to complete his band waiting for their interview to start, but Michael side-eying him did not escape his attention. Well, at least he kept his mouth shut. Luke doubted he could handle a therapy lesson from his friend right now.

“You okay?”

Ashton softly nudged him when they went inside.

“Yeah, it’s alright.”

“You don't have to do this.”

“I’m fine, I promise.”

“Okay.”

But throughout the whole interview, Luke could feel Ashton’s eyes on him. It wasn't that bothering him, though - it was the fact that _Calum_ did not once look at him. At some point Luke blatantly stared at him, trying to get a reaction, but nothing. Calum seemed so absent from everything, it was almost comical. It also gave Luke way too many opportunities to shamelessly look at him.

Calum really did look so fucking good in all black - not that this was news to Luke - but he was still sporting his vans, a shoe he rarely exchanged for different options at the moment. Luke knew he wore them first and foremost whenever he couldn't be bothered to tie his shoes because his mind was occupied otherwise, so this wasn’t exactly a good sign.

The microphone in Calum’s lap had not been used yet as well, and Luke could already hear the fans freaking out about it when his attention was caught by something else.

Calum’s fingers didn't simply fiddle, they were doing… something. It took Luke an embarrassingly long time to figure out they were mimicking playing a piano, but when he finally did, he couldn’t stop wondering if this was the song Calum had shown him weeks ago when they were still on vacation.

“So, Luke, we all know you like to be creative with your looks, but - woah!” The interviewer suddenly interrupted, smiling at him. “I've talked to my colleagues before this and they all agreed that you’re looking absolutely marvellous today. Please, would you mind telling us how you created this marvellous make-up-look?”

It was a dumb interview with stupid questions, but Luke smiled at her and thanked her effusively before elaborating what he had taken into consideration when putting his current fit together.

He turned to her just so much that he missed when Calum finally took his eyes off his hands and actually looked at Luke for a short moment. He quickly redirected his attention to his microphone though, the small glance at the blond-haired aussie had been enough to do all kinds of things to Calum he’d really, really rather not talk about.

  
  


Michael’s birthday party was bound to end in a disaster, Calum couldn't explain why, but he had a really bad feeling about it.

He was waiting for his nailpolish to dry and restlessly bustled around his living room. Only half an hour until Roy would show up to get him and Luke to Michael’s house.

Three months long gone and he was still struggling to talk to Luke like he normally would, so he wasn’t looking forward to spending a whole evening with him. Sure, they’d probably both be drunk, but still, whenever Calum found the other’s face he automatically couldn’t look away again. It was a pain in the ass. On the one hand, he wanted to scream at Luke, blame him for everything, for the way he felt around him and how he always seemed to distract Calum. On the other hand, well, it’d be a lie to say that Luke didn’t completely occupy his mind when he lay wide awake at night, staring at the ceiling and watching the hours vanish.

It was a never ending nightmare, and whenever he remembered the upcoming recording sessions of their next album, he felt his stomach turn.

His phone started vibrating and he blew on his nails one last time, making sure they were dry before heading out and getting into Roy’s car.

“Hey man,” he greeted him, then, reluctantly, “Hey Luke.” No reaction. “Well, thanks for driving us tonight, Roy.”

“Don't worry, I still owe you anyway.”

Roy smiled at him. Luke, on the contrary, was absently staring out the window, much, much quieter than usually before a party, so Calum decided not to bother. He would spend a nice evening tonight, and Luke would definitely not hold him back, he told himself.

When they finally arrived, he opened his door already when Roy pulled him back one last time, quickly glancing outside to make sure Luke was out of sight.

“Listen, I know it's hard whatever you two are going through right now, but I would love it if you’d take some advice from an old man like me. Trust yourself. Trust yourself and trust him. I know you probably think I’m talking shit right now, but I mean it, sometimes that’s all you need.”

Roy seemed to expect an answer from him, so Calum eventually nodded. “Yeah, okay. I'll try to remember it.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

“Good. Now get out of my fucking car and try to have some fun.”

Calum did, but not without flipping Roy of. “You really are an asshole,” he said loudly, walking backwards to keep their eye contact. Roy grinned and saw him off with a provocative “Love you too, Cal-Pal”, then started his car and left.

When Calum entered the house, it was already buzzing with loud music and people; though Michael never invited a lot, it somehow still always felt like the whole town was there. Calum didn't mind - it gave him a good excuse to hide from Luke. He made his way through the mass and into the kitchen, getting a drink before going on a hunt for the birthday guy.

He finally found him outside by the pool, surrounded by Ashton, Crystal and a few new people Calum didn’t recognise.

As soon as Michael spotted him, his face lit up, and something inside of Calum made his heart flutter a little. Sometimes he kind of forgot what is was like to be greeted by someone who actually wanted him there.

A smile found its way onto his lips and he opened his arms to hug Michael tightly.

“Happy birthday, Mike, I love you so much, man,” he said and ruffled through his friend’s hair, grinning at Michael’s following appalled “Hey!”. But he wasn’t actually mad, his smile was too wide, his reaction too soft.

Michael was definitely a little tipsy already, so Calum downed his drink and headed back inside to get another beer. He was contemplating whether to rejoin his friends or find someone else to talk to, but the decision was made for him when Ashton appeared next to him.

“I mean this is the nicest way possible, but Mike and Crystal are disgustingly cute,” he told Calum, and they both grinned.

“True. But it’s not like you and Kaykay are any better when it comes to snogging.”

“But we don’t make out in front of literally anybody.”

Calum leaned back to get a glimpse of the aforementioned couple and quickly turned back, grimacing. “Okay, fine, fine, that  _ is _ much worse than you and Kaykay.”

“Exactly.” Ashton laughed. “So, what’s the news? Any… improvement?”

Calum immediately felt the lump in his stomach again.

“No, not really. We barely talk.”

Ashton stared into the crowd, seemingly at someone, but Calum didn't dare to follow his gaze.

“So basically, you’re ignoring each other,” Ashton stated.

His grip around his beer tightened without Calum wanting to. He didn't want to talk about it. The less he thought of Luke, the better.

“I'm not ignoring him,  _ he's _ avoiding me. When he doesn’t even greet me back, that’s not  _ my _ fault.”

Ashton didn't reply.

“Come on, I’m fucking sick of this. Let’s get drunk, and I mean really fucking drunk.” Calum grabbed a bottle of tequila and poured each of them two shots.

They drank them each in one go, but Calum immediately poured two more, and after that two more as well. It didn't take long until he kept spilling, so he decided to stick to beer to keep him company. 

In spite of his dislike for couples making out next to him, he went back outside, but a bit further from the group where he found a lounging chair and gladly sat down. Staring at the pool water had a nice, calming effect on him, and for the first time in months, he didn’t get frustrated when he spotted Luke across it in between some people arguing over something Luke apparently didn’t want to partake in.

He looked a bit tired, but weirdly content, and when he met Calum’s eyes, he didn’t immediately look away again but instead stared at him for quite some time before breaking eye contact to grab his phone.

Calum’s hands were cold, which usually was an indication for him being nervous, but the alcohol had made him numb enough not to feel it. Now Luke was focused on his phone, his golden curls falling into his face. Calum could make out his highlight from all across the pool, it made his nose even prettier than it already was, made his cheekbones even more prominent. Gosh, he really was so fucking pretty.

Calum had to force himself to look away, he had been staring for way too long, but he got distracted anyway when his phone lit up.

A message from Luke.

_ Already back on beer again? Which is it, the fifth? Sixth? _

_ fourth beer after 8 shots _

_ No offence to Mikey but this party sucks ass. _

Calum grinned a little. 

_ i’ll tell him _

_ You wouldn’t dare… _

_ watch me then _

Calum stared at Luke, raised his eyebrow and demonstratively put his phone away before getting up. Luke seemed too baffled to act, staring at him in disbelief, which made Calum grin even more.  _ Dumbass. _

But Calum actually made his way towards Michael, though when he saw him snuggled in Crystal’s arms, he just returned her excusing smile and instead went inside. His interaction with Luke had caused his pulse to speed up, and he didn't like it, he didn't want to feel like this. He grabbed another beer before heading out the front door, shutting out the loud music from inside, then sat down on the last step of the small staircase leading up to the entrance. It was a quiet night, with a clear sky and the full moon illuminating the scenery, making it come alive like a painting. He lit a cigarette, a habit he couldn't quite shake yet although he tried.

The nicotine immediately had its effect on him, and he relaxed a little.

The smoke disappeared into thin air just like his problems.

“You’re ridiculously predictable, you know.”

Calum flinched at the sudden interruption, unaware someone had come outside. He had probably been too lost in thought of Luke and his damned highlighted cheekbones. Speaking of… now Luke sat down next to him, casually, and also way more close than necessary.

Calum couldn’t help but stare at him, a little scared, but also - and that was hard to admit - a little, teeny tiny bit happy he was here.

Luke reached for his cigarette and put it out before Calum could protest.

“You told me you wanted to stop.”

The disappointment in his voice was unmistakable, and regret found its way into his brain, but it still wasn’t nearly as strong as the indescribable feeling he got from Luke sitting so close to him their legs were touching. They had been sitting so closely countless times over the years, whether it be interviews with not enough chairs or simply laziness to move, but never had it caused Calum to feel…  _ things _ . He swallowed, trying to keep his cool, but his eyes wouldn’t obey him and were still looking into Luke’s.

Who didn’t show any sign of emotional distress, by the way, contrary to Calum.

“Don’t you still owe me something?”

Owe him something? Calum couldn’t remember having promised anything to him.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You said you would tell Michael that this party is shit.”

“I'm not an asshole.”

Something in Luke’s face changed, just a flicker in his eyes, but it didn’t go unnoticed. Calum frowned.

“Or maybe you’re a coward.” Now the flickering in Luke’s eyes yielded a sly expression. He knew very well what he was doing and what impact it had on Calum, which made it even harder for him to suppress the urge to strike back. Was this actual flirting? Was Luke flirting with him?

“You’re drunk,” he stated, trying to make a change of topic.

“Not as bad as you. Besides, you're still a coward. A chicken.”

He didn't want to, the corner of his mouth just twitched without any of his doing. Luke was such an ass, honestly, it wasn't fair that he could always make him laugh. Calum turned away from him.

“I hate you,” he said, trying to sound serious.

“No, you love me,” Luke lightly responded.

Calum could hear him smiling, and his heart began beating faster at his words.

_ No, you love me. _

Luke had no idea how much weight these words actually carried.

“Cal, either you go and tell Michael the truth, or…”

Luke trailed off, painfully obviously on purpose, and when Calum looked back at him again, he was avoiding his glance, a gloating smile on his lips.

“Or what?” he asked, on edge now.

“Oh, nevermind.”

“Luke.”

“You wouldn't do it, trust me.”

“ _ Luke _ .”

Luke returned his gaze again, and this time there was something in his eyes Calum couldn’t for the life of it figure out, but he  _ did _ know what it did to him. It made his knees weak.

“Truth or dare, Cal?” Luke softly asked.

Calum hesitated, confused at the sudden change of topic, scared for the outcome, but also - and that he couldn’t quite understand - weirdly excited.

“Truth,” he finally said.

Luke’s gaze slipped to his lips for just a split second, but it was enough for Calum’s heart to start racing. He started losing control of himself.

“If I kissed you, would you kiss me back?”

Luke’s voice was so quiet and deep it was barely audible, and it sent a shiver down Calum’s spine. He tried to make sense out of Luke's words, tried to decipher what his body already knew but his mind wouldn’t comprehend, he wanted to answer, he was surprised to realise that the answer was yes, it had been yes for so, so long, he wondered how he never caught up on it. He  _ wanted _ to kiss Luke.

Thus, when he suddenly felt Luke’s lips on his, he closed his eyes and just let himself sink into it. It was over before he knew it had started, but the tingling on his lips was evidence enough it had actually happened.

Calum didn’t know what to say.

In retrospect, maybe this hesitation was what made Luke get up and leave without another word before Calum could stop him, but he was simply unable to move.

He was completely frozen.

His beer was warm by now, and there were clouds hiding the moon from the world underneath it.

So what was this now? Did it mean that Luke… that he… no, it couldn't be. Or could it? But then why did he run away afterwards?

Calum didn't know what to think, but he did know what to do, he had to find Luke. He poured the rest of his beer away and got up, heading back inside and fighting his way through the crowd of drunken people until he reached the backyard. No Luke in sight. He decided Michael would have to forgive him for disturbing him, but to his surprise he was awake and playing cards with a group of people including Ashton.

“Hey, Mike, Ash, have you seen Luke?”

“He just left, you missed him by only a moment, I guess,” Michael replied absently. “Why?”

“Oh, it’s nothing important, really,” Calum said, painfully aware how fidgety he was behaving. “Just wanted to ask him something.”

He was the worst at lying, he could see it in Ashton's face. His friend seemed much more sober than Michael, whose attention was already back to the game.

“Maybe you can still catch him,” Ashton suggested. “I'm sure he's not far.”

Calum’s heart sank. “No… it's alright. I'll just call him. I guess.”

But he called Luke five times, going back and forth across the frontlawn while waiting, only to be left on a signaling sound five times.

At least Roy picked up.

“Done already?”

“Yeah, please,” Calum quietly answered, suddenly endlessly tired. “Please just get me home.” He suddenly felt like crying, and was glad Roy didn’t ask any questions.

Roy didn’t take long, and Calum fell asleep as soon as his head hit his pillow when he finally arrived at home, determined to forget all about what happened. It was painfully obvious he would instead think about it all the time from now on. It - the kiss.

_Luke kissed him._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew now what’s gonna happen now


	6. Chapter 6

Luke was wide awake, which wouldn’t be a problem if it wasn't hours past midnight on a weekday.

Moments like this, where he was all alone in bed made him regret buying a bigger one - it would be perfect to have someone next to him right now, preferably a dark-haired, muscular, scottish-ascended Aussie. He had been avoiding Calum for several days now, but he knew he was running out of time. They wanted to get back in the studio in December, a little preparation before they’d go on winter break.

He was still confused as to what had actually happened, but he would never forget the way Calum’s lips had felt on his, or the way they had tasted.

Luke groaned and closed his eyes.

This was going nowhere: whenever he wanted to distract himself from Calum, he explicitly thought of something else, but somehow his mind always managed to make a connection with Calum in any way, no matter how crazy the idea.

One thing haunting him in particular though, was the way Calum had reacted with literally nothing at all after their kiss. He hoped for at least  _ something  _ \- a smile, a word, but no. So obviously he was worried as to if Calum even had wanted to kiss him, it was ultimately him who had leaned in without waiting for a proper answer, though he did feel like Calum had wanted to, he could  _ swear _ he had seen it in his eyes.

Well.

He tried to fall asleep again, but it was hopeless, and after a few hours the sun already started creeping in through his blinds, painting bright white patterns on his wall and blanket.

Luke looked up when he heard a rustling noise, and seconds later Petunia appeared on his bed, snuggling with him. 

“Oh, I love you, Piggy, I love you, love you, love you so much,” he mumbled in his baby voice, cuddling and belly-rubbing her until she happily panted. “You'd never ignore me, right? You’ll always be there for me.”

He gave her a kiss on her head before getting up and stretching for a few moments. It was no use to stay in bed any longer.

He decided to take a day for his mental health, giving Michael a heads up that he wouldn’t respond to anything and turned up the music downstairs. He just put one of his favourite playlists on shuffle and put his phone away.

Things were going as usual, he played a few video games, ate some oatmeal for breakfast and continued reading a book he had started with the week before.

The singing along to the music just happened automatically. Sometimes belting out some musical numbers was Luke’s favourite thing to do, he just hoped no one would ever hear him. It was probably a bit questionable for a 26 year old to sing ‘Breaking free’ including acting out both parts and switching voices - but what the hell, he loved it. It put him into such a good mood he even decided to try baking again, even if it was uncertain it’d turn out good.

He chose a simple recipe for brownies and started measuring and mixing, humming along to some Julia Michaels songs.

When he started breaking chocolate into small pieces to add to the dough, suddenly the sound of a door closing interrupted him and Luke turned around to a seemingly uncomfortable Calum standing in the kitchen door.

He hurried to turn off the music and wiped his hands with a towel, trying to seem causal.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, clearing his throat after noticing how shaky his voice sounded. Goddamnit.

Calum ran his hand through his messy hair, which had gotten too long already again and said: “I think we need to talk.”

On the one hand, Luke couldn’t agree more, on the other he’d rather just forget about what had happened all together. His hands were shaking, and he crossed his arms to hide it from Calum.

The latter looked around the kitchen, obviously just as nervous as Luke. Then, the baking tin caught his attention. “You're… baking?”

“Oh. Yeah, I guess so.”

“Oh.”

Calum didn’t continue, so Luke returned to breaking chocolate. “So, let's talk, that's why you're here, isn't it?”

Fuck, why was he saying it like that? He already sounded so mean again, when it wasn’t even his intention. But Calum seemed too inattentive to notice.

“Yes, I suppose that’s why. Look, I don’t know how to explain it properly, I just want to know if we’re on the same page still.”

“Which… would be what kind of page?”

Luke couldn't continue what he was doing, his thoughts were running wild with possible answers from Calum.

“That we were both drunk, probably,” Calum finally, and quietly said, making it sound more like a question than a statement and crushing any last hope Luke might have had left.

At that moment, punching the wall seemed like a very good and reasonable idea for him, instead he didn’t say a word and lowered his head, trying to avoid Calum’s burning gaze on his back.

“I wasn’t that drunk, Cal,” he finally said, almost too quiet to still be audible. But he knew that Calum heard him. “I only had one beer.”

So now Calum knew that what had happened - well, it had happened intentionally.

Now he knew that Luke had gone too far, and that he shouldn’t have done it.

But when Luke looked up to Calum again, there was a surprised yet positive attitude in his behaviour.

“I'm sorry I didn't say anything,” Calum finally told him. “I wanted to, I really did. I wanted to say at least a million things, they just didn’t come out somehow, and I know that’s why you left, isn't it?”

Luke helplessly shrugged, a bit embarrassed. “Maybe, yeah.”

“I’m so sorry, Luke.” Calum actually seemed quite distressed about it, and Luke wanted to reassure him that it wasn’t his fault, it was his, really, but Calum wasn't finished: “I'm so sorry I ignored you, for weeks, and that I'm not man enough to own up to this, whatever it even is. I’m sorry.” Then he added, before Luke could interrupt him: “I would’ve kissed you back, Luke. I mean it.”

Those last words got implanted into Luke’s brain within no time.

His heart was beating so fast he had a hard time figuring out his pulse, so he put everything down and was startled when he turned around to Calum suddenly right in front of him.

Fuck. This was way, way too close for their own good, way too intimidating for Luke to think clearly. His eyes involuntarily wandered off to Calum's lips, and he forced himself to look away quickly again.

“Luke,” Calum mumbled, getting back his attention. “Would you do it again?”

Luke swallowed hard, trying to get through the chaos in his brain so that he could say yes, yes, because he wanted to, he wanted it so badly he suddenly realised.

His eyes automatically went back to Calum’s, returning his stare, and apparently that was answer enough for Calum, Luke gratefully realised when their lips met for the second time ever and his eyes fell shut.

This time it lasted longer, long enough for him to reach for Calum’s face while Calum’s hands grabbed his shirt, pulling him closer, but also at the same time pushing him against the counter.

It was crazy how that did things to Luke, usually he was the one in control, but feeling Calum’s fingertips on his bare skin, holding him, was a hundred times better.

It was such a good kiss that Luke was openly disappointed when Calum pulled back.

“Hey,” he protested, but Calum already let go off him, so Luke did the same.

He couldn’t take his eyes off of Calum, though.

The dark-haired man opposite him swallowed hard. “Okay wait, what are we doing, Luke?” Calum eventually asked, a scratch in his voice.

Luke struggled to understand. “What do you mean?” His heart felt a pinch when Calum stepped back a little, creating a space between them Luke much rather would like to close.

But Calum shook his head a little. “I don’t know if this is a good idea.”

So that’s where Calum was coming from. Luke furrowed his brows, trying to stay calm, but he had a hard time not bursting with things he might later regret.

“Look, I know I asked for this - but I don’t think we should… continue this. I feel like it would complicate things further.”

“They already are, Cal.” Luke let out a dry laugh.

Calum shook his head. “I can't, I’m sorry, Luke.” They were harsh words with an even worse meaning, and Luke was still processing what just happened when Calum left him to be alone once again.

He felt tears rolling down his cheeks, but he angrily wiped them away. Enough. He wouldn't break because of this, he told himself, unaware of how it had already begun eating him up from the inside.

Later, he threw the failed attempt at brownies away - how stupid of him to think he would actually ever be able to succeed at something as mundane as this, he thought before heading back upstairs to hide in his bed, where no one could see his tears and the pillow efficiently soaked them up.

“You did  _ what? _ ” Michael exclaimed loudly when Calum finished talking, almost making him jump.

“Oh, come on, you heard what I said,” he replied, avoiding Michael’s stare.

“Heard, yes; understood, absolutely not. Calum, what is  _ wrong with you? _ ”

“Nothing’s wrong with me!” Calum defensively struck back. “It's better for all of us if we keep our distance from each other.”

Michael shook his head in disbelief and annoyance. “In what kind of fantasy world do you live where that works?”

“Reality, Michael.”

“No. Absolutely not. In reality, you’re gonna fuck this up, I know you two will.”

“Weird, I remember you being totally convinced that I could trust Luke with everything and vice versa?”

“Yeah, well, obviously not when you’re deliberately manipulating yourselves.”

“Since when is ignoring a form of manipulation?”

“Calum, what on earth is wrong with you?” Michael repeated. “I thought you wanted Luke. And apparently he does, too. So why, tell me why you’re making this so fucking complicated?”

“I’m not - don't you think it’s gonna change  _ everything _ ?” Calum couldn't suppress the panic he felt. “I don't want to fuck anything up. What if our band doesn't survive it? I can't do that to our fans, I can’t do that to you all. And what if it doesn't work? Mike, I've never felt anything like this before. I thought I had been in love before this, but it just - this something completely different than everything I've known.”

“Well, of course it is. You're best friends, for god’s sake.”

“Precisely. We’re best friends. What if we just… what if we’re just fooling around, what if we’re just trying it out, and then we’ll realise it’s not right? What then?”

Michael sighed. He had wanted to spend a peaceful day with Crystal, but obviously when Calum showed up, priorities had to be set, so he was thankful for Crystal being the absolute best and instead meeting up with her girlfriends. There would be another day for that; Calum needed him now.

“You know, I’d tell you to go talk to him and sort it out, but obviously you suck at that, so I’m not gonna say it.”

Calum sank down on his couch. “Yeah, don’t.”

“Okay. Calum?”

“Mhm.”

“Do you love Luke?”

Calum looked up to him in confusion. “What?”

“I asked if you love Luke.”

“Michael…”

“Answer the question.”

His heart felt like bursting. Did he love Luke? Apparently. He was all he could think about nowadays, which was a problem, a big problem.

“Well, yes, maybe.”

“No, not maybe. You do. You need to fucking admit it at some point.”

“Okay, fine!” Calum snapped. “I do love him! Now what? I don't think he feels the same, so this is going nowhere!”

Michael groaned and buried his face in his hands. “You know, I’ve always looked up to you. I thought you were so grown, and you always knew what was going on, I thought you were so fucking smart. But apparently you just as dumb as everyone else when you’re in love.”

“What?” Calum stared at him, dumbfounded.

“Calum, Luke is just as lost as you are at the moment. I thought he kissed you first anyway? D’you think he just did it for fun? It takes so much courage to make the first move, especially when you are this close already, it’s impossible Luke did it just because. He wants you, get that into your damn head.”

Calum didn’t know how to respond.

“Also, I’d much rather endure you two be a thing than lose our band to this. You're not the only one affected by this, you know.”

Heat flushed Calum’s cheeks at the thought of him and Luke… being a  _ thing.  _ It’d be a lie if he said he hadn’t thought about it before. Okay, maybe it was all he was thinking about, but that didn’t change shit. He doubted it would ever happen.

“I’m sorry, Michael. I don't want you to suffer from this, I swear.”

“It's alright. I'm still your friend.”

But Calum got up, it was probably time to stop burdening everyone with his incompetence in life.

“You know, Thursday’s first rehearsal. Think you can make it on time at least once?” Michael called after him, but Calum refrained from replying with something he might regret.

As soon as Calum left, Michael called Ashton. At least _he_ picked up fast.

“Hey, what’s going on?” he was greeted by Ashton's typically energetic voice, and Michael got up, walking back and forth in the living room.

“I have an idea, but I need you to agree with it.”

“Okay… and what is it?”

“It’s about Cal and Luke.”

“ _ Oh. _ ”

“Yeah. I'm tired of this shit, I’m gonna do something.”

“Good, I was about to say the same thing.”

“So you’re in?”

“I guess?”

For the first time in forever, Luke and Ashton were doing something only the two of them. He was glad, seeing as he could most definitely use some distraction, and as always Ashton noticed what was going on immediately and took action.

“I don't even know what I’d do without you,” he said when they drove down the highway, leaving the city behind.

Ashton grinned. “Yeah, I know. You're welcome.”

“So, why’d you make me bring sportswear? Where are we going?”

“If I tell you it won't be a surprise anymore, Luke.”

“Argh, I know, but I'm so  _ curious… _ ”

Ashton patted his thigh. “Just you wait. You'll love it, trust me.”

So he did, and half an hour later, when they pulled up to a park, Luke could barely hide his excitement at the sight of a sign saying ‘Football Golf’.

“Football golf? I’ve never heard of that but it sounds freaking awesome,” he said when they got out.

“See?” Ashton grinned at him and Luke couldn’t help but smile back. Although Ashton could be quite serious, he was also easy to be around, and almost always in a good mood. He was a natural at lifting people up.

They quickly changed and got on the field, thankful they were the only ones on this cold December day to have the stupid idea of doing outside activities.

Ashton effortlessly introduced him to the game, and they soon were playing like absolute pros, though it was only Luke’s first and Ashton’s second time ever.

They ran around, trying to keep the other from striking, jockeying with each other but still cheering when the other scored a goal.

It was very demanding, but also a lot of fun. Luke could barely remember the last time he had played football or anything else in that field, so it was a welcome change.

“You’re much better than me,” Ashton panted when he lost the ball once again to him. “It's not fair!” But he laughed, and when they took a break to calm down and refresh themselves, he still said it was fun.

“I just know Michael would absolutely hate this,” Luke said and chuckled, trying to catch his breath after sitting down on the cold grass.

“Definitely.”

Luke took deep breaths, trying to slow his pulse. The sky was already turning into a shade of violet and pink, the sun almost hidden behind the trees in the far distance. “God, I didn't notice the time going by so fast.”

“Me neither,” Ashton replied. “Maybe she should head back?”

They probably should, but heading back meant going home to where Calum would occupy his mind again, making it impossible to think.

Luke shook his head. “One last game.”

Ashton sighed theatrically. “Only ‘cause it's you.”

They grinned at each other.

Usually, Luke and Michael just talked nonsense when facetiming, probably because Michael was simultaneously playing video games and therefore only listening to him with half an ear.

Luke still enjoyed it though, they did it whenever they were both too lazy to come over, and whether they sat next to each other playing games or in their own homes, it didn’t make much of a difference, really.

This time Luke was playing with him though. He was horrible, but it was still fun, and Michael went easy on him, so it wasn’t too hard.

“So, how are things with Crystal?” he asked, curious. He immediately noticed Michael’s face lit up a little and the corner of his mouth twitched as well.

“She's doing fine, she’s fine. We’re at 30 weeks, so we’re slowly getting there,” Michael replied, and Luke couldn’t help but grin at the way his friend was beaming.

“What are you laughing at?”

“I just love how happy you are.”

Michael tried not to smile any wider, but it was impossible. “Thanks, man,” he quietly said. “Wish I could say the same, though.”

Luke's smile faded. Yikes.

“I'm sorry for bringing it up, Luke, but it’s just so fucking dumb how you’re tiptoeing around each other.”

“Can we talk about something else?” Luke asked, fully aware of how strained his voice sounded.

Michael sighed. “Yeah, of course. I wanted to remind you of our meeting on Tuesday next week, anyway.”

This was news to Luke. “What meeting?”

“You know, with that Goldsmith guy I told you about.”

But no bells rang, Luke had no idea who they were talking about. He shrugged it off though. “I probably didn't listen. When and where?”

“The ‘breakoff studio’. Around five, I think.”

“Alright, I’ll be there.”

“You better. And don't forget rehearsal.”

“I won't.”

The days went by quickly after that, their rehearsal on Thursday going smoother than Luke expected, but still a bit awkward whenever he accidentally touched Calum or caught him staring at him unconsciously. They already had a few ideas regarding their next album, Luke brought a few of his song ideas as well and they began experimenting with sounds. It was an overall productive day and Luke left the studio satisfied with what they accomplished. It would be an awesome album, he already knew.

As soon as he got into his car, he got distracted by his ringtone and pulled out his phone, closing the door.

**_Sierra Deaton_ ** _ is calling _

His heart stopped for a moment, then continued beating faster. Sierra? He hadn’t heard from her in years, not that he didn’t understand that she wanted to keep the distance, but still.

“Hello?”

“Luke?”

“Yeah.”

Luke could hear Sierra smiling. “Oh, I'm so glad you still have your old number, this could’ve been so awkward.”

“Don't worry, I’m keeping an eye on my phone now.” He smiled a little. “So what's going on? Why are you calling?”

“Oh, right! Well, I'm back in L.A. for a few days, and I wanted to ask if maybe you want to catch up some time?”

“I’d love to.” He really did, he had missed her the last few years, and it would be nice to talk to someone uninvolved in anything going on at the moment. “We could go to your favourite café, if you want.”

“I'd love that. I mean, if you don't mind? How about Sunday?”

“It’s on,” he replied, smiling.

“Alright.” He could hear her being just as excited as he was, and it made him feel a bit dizzy and warm, but there was also something bugging him about it. He chose to ignore it, though. At least once did he want to have a good time and not worry about everything.

“See you on Sunday, then,” Sierra hesitatingly concluded and they hung up. Luke stared at the screen for a second, still showing her name, until it disappeared. He would meet Sierra again, he realised, a little excited, a little nervous. It was clear he couldn’t tell anyone about it, which was hard for him, Luke was the worst at keeping his mouth shut when he was looking forward to something. But he swore himself he wouldn't say a word. He knew, telling his friends, they all would interpret things that weren’t there.

And, obviously, there would be nothing happening between them.

Breaking habits was hard. Calum knew that very well, finding himself in the studio at midnight once again when he initially wanted to leave around eight. He promised the producer he’d be careful with the key, but he didn’t mean to abuse the trust put on him like this.

Yet, he was still sitting at the piano in the faint light of a standard lamp, scribbling notes and lyrics in his notebook while trying to figure out a structure for the song. He knew what it was about - or rather, who. Which was probably the reason he kept it hidden in this book he never showed to anyone, ever.

He had written lots of songs over the last months, which made it hard to lie when Michael asked him if he had any ideas for the album. He could put out a whole album on his own by now if he wanted to, it's just that it would be cheesy and too sad for their audience. And so he kept the songs close to his heart, but the book far out of reach for everyone.

He played the short melody once again, listening to the dainty notes fading into the next, and wrote the next bit down.

It reminded him of the demo Luke had shown them earlier today, which he actually wanted to add a bassline to he had in his mind, so he texted him asking for it.

It didn’t take long until his display lit up with a message.

_ [ Audio 1:37 ] _

_ I think I already know the answer, but _

_ please tell me ur not still there? _

_ you know i'm a bad liar. _

_ You should go to sleep. I saw how tired _

_ you were today. _

_ i can't sleep, luke, i've tried, trust me _

_ Why? What’s keeping you up _

Calum’s head was spinning, he was torn between ignoring Luke and telling him the truth. But then again, what did he have to lose? He wrote a short answer, then he locked his phone and grabbed his things to leave, hands shaking. He didn't dare to look at his phone again until the next day, scared he’d throw up, because the answer was hauntingly honest and, well, the whole truth:

  
  
  
  
  
  


_ you, luke. _


	7. Chapter 7

As soon as they spotted each other, smiles spread on their faces, and neither Luke nor Sierra shied away from hugging tightly.

“Hey,” he said, taking in her familiar smell, still recent in his memory even after years.

“How are you?” she asked, but her smile wavered a little when she looked at him. “Oh, you look a bit tired, to be honest. Are you okay?”

“Yeah, no, it's fine. I’m okay.”

Sierra was polite enough not to dig any deeper, and Luke thankfully followed her inside the little café.

The atmosphere and the smell of coffee immediately made him remember just how much he had always associated this place with her. Which was probably just as well the reason he didn’t set foot inside it since their breakup.

They took the same table as they had in the past, they even ordered the same things (Luke still knew her order by heart), and the longer they were there, the more it felt like he was reliving the past, a déjà-vu like it was written in the books.

Somehow, it made him feel guilty.

He was over her, he knew he was, but sitting across from her this close revoke feelings inside of him he had totally repressed. And the worst of it all, all of these feelings he felt just as deep when he was around Calum.

Calum, who had been writing songs deep into the night only to sneak into his messages and fuck with his head completely, causing him a sleepless night of staring at the conversation with a racing heart and nausea, throwing his phone away only to immediately run to pick it up again to make sure he didn’t dream it. He didn't, he knew that by now, the words were imprinted in his memory like an inscription.

“Luke, are you still here?”

He snapped back to reality, embarrassed to find Sierra staring at him with worried eyes. “Are you sure you're okay? You're a bit pale.”

“I… yeah, it’s just a bit of a headache. Nothing to worry about.”

“Okay, but don’t hesitate to tell me if somethings wrong.”

“Will do.” He gave her a reassuring smile, encouraging her to continue.

“So, as I said, we've never really talked about it, Josh and I. I was totally caught by surprise when he went down on one knee.” Sierra softly shook her head in bewilderment, a smile on her lips, looking out the window. It only now slowly dawned on him what she was talking about, and his eyes widened in astonishment. “Wait, are you saying what I think you're saying?”

His gaze fell onto her hand, and Sierra’s lips curved into a shy smile.

“Yeah, I’m engaged, Luke,” she said and bit her lip, holding out her hand.

And lo and behold, there was a stunning ring on her left hand, humble yet elegant. So obviously just like Sierra. Luke couldn’t believe his own eyes.

“That’s - That’s so amazing, oh my god. Sierra. I’m -“ He chuckled, baffled, shook his head, but he couldn’t finish, so he just got up and pulled her into a hug so tight she was lifted off her feet. Sierra laughed. “Luke, put me down! Put me down!”

He obeyed, but now it was impossible to form any coherent thought.  _ Sierra was engaged. _ To his surprise, all he felt was joy, and he couldn't stop smiling. “I’m so fucking happy for you, Si, I can’t even tell you how much. This is wonderful, truly. I never thought I’d ever say this,” he confessed. They both laughed, and Luke was relieved how little this all bothered him.

“Thank you Luke, seriously. I really had my doubts if I should tell you, but when I saw you previously, smiling at me like that, I knew you wouldn’t mind. Thank you.”

“You're welcome, I guess. But seriously, when's the wedding? You have a date yet?”

Sierra shook her head. “No, we’re still looking. But it’ll be sometime in late summer next year. Obviously, you’re all invited, please bring Ashton, Calum and Michael along! And their girlfriends! I wanted to see them anyway, any chance to meet up with them or are they all busy?”

“I don't know to be honest, you'll have to ask them yourself,” Luke replied. “I can text you Mike’s number, if you want.”

“That’d be great, thank you.”

They paid shortly after and left the café. It was already late in the afternoon, the wind was getting colder, but they still walked a bit before parting again.

“So… I guess I'll call you, okay?” Sierra hugged him one last time, then turned around and got back to her car. Luke made his way back as well, and his heart felt a bit lighter, his step was a bit more dynamic than before. It was comforting to know that he and Sierra were back on the same wavelength even after so much time.

And the best thing: it made him forget all about the night before.

While Calum was good at spontaneous acts, he was just as bad at taking responsibility for them. He told himself he'd look at his messages in the afternoon, but the whole Sunday went by and he didn’t go anywhere near it, avoiding it like the pest.

Instead he passed the time in front of his laptop, Duke next to him, looking for christmas presents. The year went by too fast for his liking, but he had to arrange. And actually, gifting was one of his favourite things for Christmas. He loved browsing different sites, he was excellent at remembering the small things people said incidentally and then seeing their face when they got it for Christmas; it was the best thing ever. He never revealed it was him if it was something small, he liked keeping it a secret, it kept at least some of the magic alive most people lose when growing up.

But today, he wasn’t fully there, his mind running off from time to time.

He fully gave up when he saw the first headline on some obscure website. It wasn't the only one mentioning someone named ‘Luke Hemmings’ and ‘Sierra Deaton’, and before he could stop himself, he was in it, reading article after article, but after a few minutes he realised they all wrote the same empty bullshit. The picture he found later though, showing the two in a devoted and deep embrace, was something different entirely.

He snapped his laptop shut and tossed it aside. It was impossible for him to fathom how Luke could move on this quickly - especially because Sierra had been long gone as far as he remembered it.

His anger made him reach for his phone as well, finally conquering his fear to discover potential answers from Luke, only to discover - well, no answer at all. “For fuck’s sake,” he cursed out. “ _Fucking hell_.”

Having been sceptical about social media before this, _now_ he definitely hated it. It never did anything good, never, it was only ever exploiting people.

Calum grabbed his phone once again, selecting Ashton’s number and impatiently bopping with his leg until the dialing tone broke off.

“Hey, Cal, what's going on?”

“I need to get drunk.”

Ashton hesitated. “I… you know you can always come over, right, but we already have a few people over, so I don’t know if you mind?”

“No, don’t worry. I just can't be alone anymore.”

“You know my door’s always open for you. Just come over whenever you want.”

“You're a gem, Ash.”

Knowing he would get out of his house immediately lifted his mood, but not enough to bother putting on decent clothes. Sweatpants and a hoodie had to be sufficient for the night, he decided, putting on his converse and getting his bike from the garage. Living only five minutes away from each other surely had its perks.

As soon as he stepped inside, he felt the bass thumping from the living room. Ashton hadn’t been kidding when he said he had people over, when Calum entered the room he was greeted by loud cheering initiated by his friend who gestured for him to come over to the seating area.

“Come on, sit down, Cal, I’ll get you a drink,” Ashton loudly said to get through the music, making him space amidst the group.

Most of them were engaged in conversation, but the guy next to him offered him a hand. “Hi, I’m Valentin.”

“Calum.” He gave him a quick smile, taking in the first impression. There wasn’t anything explicitly special about him, yet his appearance was mesmerising, a buzzcut and a few tattoos on his tanned skin, but most were hidden behind a white long sleeve. His eyes reminded him of Michael’s, but other than that, no bells rang.

“We haven't met before, have we?”

Valentin shook his head. “I heard a lot about you, though, and obviously the band.”

“Yeah.”

“Your music’s awesome, but not really my taste.”

“No worries,” Calum chuckled, and gratefully accepted the glass Ashton handed him over his shoulder. “Thanks, Ash.”

“You’re welcome,” Ashton replied, smiling, and squeezed his shoulder a bit before making his way over to Kaykay across the room.

Calum turned back to Valentin. “So, how’d you end up here?”

“Oh, it just kinda happened, I think. A common interface with Kaitlin, I'm in the photography industry as well.”

“Let me guess, you’re a model?”

“No, I like staying behind the camera, but I’ll take that as a compliment.”

Calum bit his lip. He didn’t mean to imply  _ that. _

Valentin chuckled at his reaction. “Relax, I know you didn't mean it.”

“No, I do mean it, you are good-looking.”

“You’re not bad either. But honestly, especially your hands… damn.” Valentin raised his eyebrows.

Calum looked down on his hands holding his glass, but couldn’t make out what could possibly be special about them. “What?”

“I’ve always wondered why you don't play guitar more, I know you already have Michael and Luke, but still. You have pretty hands. Piano-hands.”

“Piano hands?” Calum scoffed, confused.

“Yeah. Long, lean fingers, they’re perfect for playing piano. Don’t you play?”

“Only occasionally. I don't have anything at home to play on except for an old piano that’s... well, technically broken.”

“Oh, alright. But still. Don't limit yourself to bass, I know you are amazing at it but I’d love to see a guitar solo from you.”

“I’d never be as good as Luke. Or Mike. Have you seen Luke playing? He’s crazy good.”

“Okay now, you need to stop downplaying yourself.”

“Shut up.”

But still, the grin on his lips broke through without any resistance. Damn, this guy definitely knows how to talk, Calum thought, unaware of Valentine putting his arm behind him on the seatback.

They slowly made their way through drinks - beer and shots included - and after a few hours Calum was absolutely plastered. But he was still listening to Valentin, he realised, which probably was no surprise if one took into account how mesmerising his deep voice could be. He himself had stopped talking quite some time ago, Valentin definitely seemed to be the talkative one in a conversation. Not that Calum would mind, solely looking at him being enthusiastic about something Calum had never heard of was just fine on his part.

“You wanna go outside for a smoke?” Valentin eventually asked, bringing him back to reality.

“Sure.”

They wandered through the house and left the front door ajar, almost completely muting the music. Valentin offered him a cigarette and they both drew on theirs a few times in silence.

The way this resembled an evening nearly half a year ago made Calum’s stomach turn a bit.

“You live here in L.A. as well, right?”

“I do.”

“Cool. All on your own?”

“No. With my dog,” he replied, smirking. Valentin didn’t return it, which irked him somehow, though he couldn't explain why.

Then he noticed Valentin coming close from the corner of his eye, and it dawned on him instantly what was about to happen.

He took a step back, simultaneously noticing Valentin’s expression hardening.

“I have a boyfriend,” he blurted out and his eyes immediately widened, shocked at his own careless words. Valentin seemed to feel similar, frowning.

“You... do?”

“Yes,” Calum lied, face burning.  _ This is so, so wrong. _

“Oh. I’m sorry then. I shouldn’t have assumed anything.”

“It’s not your fault. I kind of led you on, I guess, by talking to you the whole evening.”

“No, it’s fine. You were only being polite.”

Although that was true, it still didn’t make up for him lying. And what a lie it was, because if Calum were honest to himself, he would clearly know he’d picture a  _ very _ specific someone as his boyfriend.

“Should we go back inside?”

“Yeah.” Calum followed Valentin back into the living room and they both silently agreed on parting ways as soon as they entered the room, Valentin heading to the seating area they had been before while Calum went on a lookout for Ashton, eventually finding him in the kitchen.

He was talking to Mike, his arm around Kaykay, beer in his other hand.

“Hey man, you good?” Ashton said, not nearly as drunk as Calum.

He nodded, then shook his head. “No. I don't know? I'm gonna go home, though.”

“Already?” Kaykay asked. “It's not even midnight.”

“No, it's alright,” Ashton intervened, looking at Calum with a frown. “I think Calum’s had enough.”

He turned to Kaykay, giving her a kiss on the forehead before letting go of her. “I’ll escort him home, okay?” Kaykay nodded, gently squeezing Ashton’s hand before giving him a kiss on the lips. “Be careful, okay?”

“Always.”

“I'm always careful,” Calum muttered, a little bit offended, but Ashton pulled on his hoodie, shoving him out of the kitchen.

“I'm surprised you’re still able to walk, Cal,” Ashton said, a little annoyance in his tone. “How’d you get here, per uber?”

“No, bike.”

They fetched it from the driveway, but Ashton didn’t allow Calum to ride it - “You can't even  _ walk _ straight” -, so he strolled, and occasionally tripped next to Ashton who walked it along instead.

“So, do you like Valentin?” Ashton casually asked after they had been on their way for a while already.

Calum scoffed. “Yeah.”

“Huh? What is it?”

Calum buried his hands in his sweatpant pockets. “He tried to kiss me. When we were outside.”

“Oh.”

“Mhm.”

“I didn’t know he was aiming for that,” Ashton said, genuinely sounding regretful. “I just thought you'd get along well, he always reminded me a bit of you with the way he talks.”

“I don’t talk  _ that _ much.”

They exchanged a knowing look before bursting into laughter.

“No, you don’t,” Ashton admitted, grinning. “You're right. Is that why you wanted to go home?”

“I suppose. Also, I think I’ve had enough to drink anyway.”

“Oh, absolutely,” Ashton chuckled, pulling out his phone. Calum ignored it.

“I fucking hate the cold,” he complained. “It’s the only thing I hate about winter.”

“Yep, same.”

They approached his house shortly afterwards, and Ashton sat him down on the bench up front to wait until he parked his bike in the garage. “Be right back, okay?”

Calum didn’t protest. He was so tired, he could barely keep his eyes open, so he pulled his legs up and rested his head on his knees, wrapping his arms around them to keep himself warm. He waited for a sign that Ashton was back, but the longer it took, the more he worried.

Then, lights appeared at the end of the street, slowly coming closer and eventually turning into a car pulling into his driveway. A familiar car.

Calum had a hard time understanding.

A car door fell shut, and from behind the vehicle a silhouette appeared, walking up to him and slowing down a few feet away from him.

Luke insecurely buried his hands in his jacket pockets.

“What are you doing here?” Calum asked quietly. “Where’d Ashton go?”

“He went home. He told me he couldn’t take care of you ‘cause he's too drunk himself.”

“That’s a lie,” Calum mumbled, but too softly for Luke’s ears.

Luke took a deep breath and came up to him, hesitantly holding out a hand. “You should get inside. It’s freezing.”

He was right, the weather forecast had predicted cold days and a possibility of snow for the whole of next week. Calum took his hand for help, but only long enough to help him up.

He couldn’t bear anything further.

They went inside, both instantly relaxing in the comforting warmth of his home, and Calum sat down on the staircase to untie his shoes. He quickly became aware how bad a choice his converse had been, struggling to untangle the shoelaces until Luke kneeled down and tenderly unravelled them from his fingers, taking matters into his hands.

It gave Calum way too much time to look at Luke. It would be ridiculously easy to count the freckles on his cheekbones, being this close to him now. The urge to brush back a loose strand of hair from Luke’s messy bun almost won over him, but before he fully gave in to the impulse, Luke finished taking his shoes off and helped him back up again. His hand wrapped around his arm, he helped Calum up to his bedroom and placed him on his bed to take his hoodie off, not daring to go any further. “Come on, let's get you to sleep,” he said quietly, and Calum obeyed without a word, crawling underneath his blanket. He turned to the other side, now facing the window, but before he could close his eyes, something caught his attention.

“Luke, look,” he whispered amazedly, staring into the night. And sure enough, big white snowflakes lit up the dark, thick and fast - a full on snowstorm. It was mesmerising. But apart from it looking beautiful, it was also fast winds that howled around the house. 

“Fucking hell,” Luke murmured. “I can’t drive through snow, I’ve never tried it.”

“‘S not that hard,” Calum replied, almost half asleep. “But if you don't wanna, jus’ stay here.” He really couldn’t be bothered.

He turned back to the other side and closed his eyes, snuggling into his blanket, it was too tiring to keep his eyes open any longer, and soon enough sleep overwhelmed him fully and sent him into a dreamless nothing.

Calum’s breath nearly instantly slowed down and got steadier, indicating without any doubt that he was in deep sleep. Luke had noticed it before, but he did especially now how much younger Calum seemed when he was asleep. It was simply adorable.

He looked away, trying to focus, and turned off the light before heading downstairs. He still had a shred of hope that maybe it wasn’t as bad as it looked, but when he opened the front door, he got proven otherwise: The whole front yard and street were lit up in a thick layer of white, and the snowfall was as dense as before. He quietly closed the door again and leant against it, trying to calm himself.

This wasn’t part of the plan. It had all worked perfectly up until now, not once did he stare at Calum or unnecessarily touched him. And now he was trapped here.

He let his head fall back against the wood, closing his eyes and collecting himself until he was steady enough to head back upstairs.

Calum didn’t notice anything while he took off his jacket and hoodie as well as his shoes and got into bed as well, right at the edge and as far away from his friend as possible, which still wasn't even close to enough. But he couldn't turn his back on Calum, it was simply impossible, he was trapped in the sight of his dark and thick eyelashes throwing shadows on his cheeks, his slightly parted lips, his dark locks on the white pillow.

He was only an arm length far from him, yet it felt like Luke was looking at him through a glass-wall of unspoken confessions and hurt. He rolled onto his back, grabbing his phone from the nightstand, and opened his chat with Ashton.

_ If you did this on purpose, just know I’m _

_ not gonna forgive you any time soon. _

He set an alarm for seven in the morning, then locked his phone and got back on his right side. All the while until he drifted into restless dreams, he couldn’t take his eyes off of Calum, but Luke had simply given up, he knew he wasn’t able to fight it any longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is initially coming to a close but I think there’ll be one last chapter added... might just fuck around a bit... let’s see


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How do we feel about this coming to a close????? I’m so excited y’all but also. This is my first fic I’m actually really proud of, and i’m kinda sad now

Waking up with a massive headache wasn’t exactly the preferred alarm clock for Calum. He felt numb, apart from his brain, and the bright light from his window cut into his eyes like razor blades. Turning to his other side didn’t help much, so he decided to face the day and sat up, reaching for his phone on the bedside table. Though he did find it there, he also found something else: a glass of water and some painkillers.

_ Luke. _

It couldn’t have been anyone else.

He turned around to feel the left side of his bed, but it was cold, so Luke must’ve left quite some time ago. The gesture still made him feel a little warm inside.

The details about last night were more than messy and vague, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t remember the way Luke had taken off his hoodie, or how absolutely gorgeous he had looked with his messy bun and black long sleeve. Which, now that he further thought about it, actually belonged to him. Well, as far as he could recall right now.

He thankfully swallowed two pills and downed the water, standing up to get some more. Although this after-thirst was usually annoying, it definitely made sure he stayed hydrated, so it was a double edged sword.

He spent the day calmly, watching British bake off shows and facetiming with Mali-Koa to catch up, but the pleasant atmosphere was destroyed when he picked up his laptop again in the late afternoon only to discover at least ten open tabs with gossip articles about yesterday morning’s hot topic ‘Luke and Sierra’. He swiftly closed one after the other, but his mood was ruined.

Tuesday arrived faster than to Luke’s liking. He still had no idea who that Goldsmith guy was, and he hated being unprepared for things like this. It didn’t help how he still had to wait until five pm, which was an unusually late time anyhow.

Deciding he’d do something for his fitness for once, he went to his usual gym and took on a punching bag. In his mind, there was still the same image of Calum sleeping replaying, yet for the first time in forever, he didn’t fight but enjoyed it. He had slowly come to terms with liking Calum too much, thinking about him, or wanting him. Surely it would pass, and until then he had no intention whatsoever to act on anything he might later regret.

When he went home he texted Calum, asking him if he needed a ride later that day, and was glad Calum ignored their last conversation as inconspicuously as he did.

Still, thinking of how he would be driving with Calum in two hours had an effect on Luke he couldn’t describe if he wanted to, and he found himself spending even more time on his makeup and outfit than he normally laid out for it.

When the time came, he made his way to Calum’s house, and tried not to think about how good the red blouse his friend wore looked on him.

“Is that my shirt by any chance?” he casually asked, concentrating on the road ahead.

“Huh? Oh. Maybe. Do you mind?”

“No, it’s fine.”

“You can take it with you later.”

“No, don’t worry. It looks better on you anyway.”

“Okay.”

Luke could see a smile on Calum’s lips from the corner of his eye, even though he tried to hide it.

Both unconsciously relaxed when they arrived at their destination, it was already getting dark, but the windows were lit up and shone their light onto the thin layer of snow covering the street. They hurried inside into the warmth and met with Michael upstairs, who was already deep into conversation with whom Luke would expect to be the man named Derron Goldsmith. They greeted each other, exchanging hand shakes before making themselves comfortable in the small lounge. It turned out he was a producer, and eager to produce with them for their next album. As soon as Ashton arrived, they went into the studio booths, and although the song started out as a jest, it soon turned into something entirely different. Derron nodded along to the rhythm Calum played, and with Michael’s guitar runs over it, the melody slowly came to life.

“This is really good,” Ashton said, amazed at the quick progression.

Although it was something they had never done this way before, starting with the instruments turned out to be a smart idea. They totally got lost in the sound, slowly adding melodies, snares, some background vocals, but no one knew what to sing specifically.

“Maybe we’ll just leave it as it is,” Luke eventually proposed. “Kind of like an interlude. Or intro?”

“Oh, that’d be sick,” Michael added. “It’s totally a different vibe from the other songs so far.”

“Yeah, it could be a bridge between two halves of the album. Cal’s demo from last Thursday was a much different style anyway, remember? This would pull it all together.” Ashton started writing down the few demos they already had and put them in order. “Didn’t we also want to put our cover of ‘Monsters’ in it?”

“Right!” Michael said. “I totally forgot about that.”

“Maybe we can work on that now. I had some ideas I wanted to try,” Ashton explained.

They fell back into their work groove, and only took a break when it was impossible to suppress their hunger any longer. Ashton volunteered to get some food from a nearby pizza place, with Michael tagging along, but beforehand they said goodbye to Derron, making plans for after christmas already.

“I really have high hopes for this,” Derron said, “especially after today. I knew you were good, but you definitely exceeded my expectations, especially you Michael.”

“Oh, come on.” But Michael’s smile was proof enough that he greatly appreciated the comment. “This was fun, though, you’re right. I think it’ll work with us.”

“Yes, absolutely!”

Derron took off and Michael and Ashton followed shortly after, leaving Luke and Calum behind, who was too deep in the music to be hungry.

Once again, Calum sat at the piano, it wasn’t as good as the one he usually played, the keys were old and tatty and the notes were a bit off, but the sound had its own charme.

“You’ve played that before,” Luke remarked, he remembered it clear as day.

Calum stopped. “I did.”

“No, go one. I like it.”

Calum hesitated, then he began playing once again.

“What’s it about?” Luke asked, putting down his guitar and sitting down on the couch to listen, taking a big sip from his water bottle.

“About our band,” Calum answered, slowly coming to the end of the piece.

“That’s a bit sentimental.”

“I know.”

The melody stopped, and Calum put his hands into his lap. Since Sunday morning, his mind couldn’t let go of the image of Luke in the café, and now that they were alone, he took the risk.

“Are you back together with Sierra?”

Luke frowned, but returned Calums gaze just as determinedly. “What do you mean?”

Calum swallowed, trying to find the right words. “I mean exactly that. If you’re back together again.”

“So you heard about it.” Luke sighed. “Listen, you should know that paparazzo love making up stupid stories just for clout.”

“I saw the photos, Luke. There is nothing to make up, it’s there.”

“What is there? Enlighten me, please.”

Following was a silent stare-off Calum only reluctantly broke. “The way you hugged her. The way you look at her. You were all smiles and shit, just like all those years ago.”

“Calum, we’re not back together. She’s literally engaged, which is also the reason I was so happy.” Then, he quietly added: “And you have no right to say anything anyway, I saw Kaykay’s insta story from Sunday.”

“What? How does that have to do with this?” Calum seemed to have missed the change of scene.

“I saw you with that guy. With the buzzcut. You’re not seriously trying to convince me nothing happened?”

“Oh, I am, Luke, ‘cause nothing  at all happened. Nothing, understood?”

“I can’t believe this. I saw his arm around your shoulder, there was literally no space at all between you two,” Luke began, getting up from the couch, too heated to sit still. “You think I don’t know what it starts off like? It's always like that. You drink a few beers, they lull you into liking them, they put their arm around you and oh, suddenly you're way too close, and you’re too drunk to pull back from a kiss. Hell, you probably wanted it, didn’t you?”

Usually, Calum was pretty good at keeping his cool, but enough was enough.

“You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about. Okay?” he snapped. “Nothing happened with this guy, because I don’t fucking like him, not like I like you, you fucking dumbass. I literally told him off when he tried to kiss me, ‘cause I’m not interested in him! I only knew him for five hours, do you seriously think I just make out with anyone coming my way?! If that worked, I would’ve had more girlfriends the last 10 years than… oh, that’s right. None.”

“You told him off?”

“Yeah, I did, I said I’m taken so he wouldn’t try anything else.”

Something in Luke’s eyes changed with that remark, but Calum couldn’t read his expression.

“You’re not taken, though.”

_ No, but I fucking wish I was. _

Out of the sudden, Luke’s phone rang, interrupting their dispute, and he turned away from Calum. Both unconsciously relaxed.

“Yeah, what’s going on?”

Calum could faintly make out Michael talking, but something in the way Luke brushed through his hair told him it wasn’t exactly good news.

“Shit. Ya, okay. No, don’t worry, we can wait a little longer.”

Could they, though? Calum wondered.

“No, that’s fine. I'll pay you back later then, okay? Mhm. Yeah, see you tomorrow. Take care.”

Luke put his phone away again and turned back to Calum, once again fixing his hair, then resting his hands on his hips like he always did when he was a bit unsure of what to do.

“They’re stuck, apparently it's snowing again. They send the delivery guy, but they can’t guarantee he’ll make it.”

Calum sighed. “Great.”

“I guess we’ll have to wait.”

Well, they didn’t exactly have a choice, so they closed off the recording booth and went back to the lounge, where they were relieved to find a few more water bottles in the otherwise empty kitchen unit.

Calum quietly accepted the one Luke offered him, and they sat down on the couch, not too close to each other, but definitely not far enough for it to be reasonable if one took into account how big the couch really was.

He could tell Luke was nervous, the melody he played on the guitar was melancholic and just a little bit too fast, but it complimented the background music coming from the sound system.

For half an hour, neither said a word, and the silence weighted heavily on Calum’s shoulders. Every once in a while, he looked over to Luke, only to immediately turn away again. He could tell Luke was doing the same, and with every time it happened, his pulse went faster.

He tried to distract himself by sipping on his water, yet soon enough he finished the whole thing and put it away, too lazy to get a new one.

“How much longer do you reckon this snowstorm will last?” Luke asked after a while, ending his song.

Calum shrugged. “Don’t know. Probably all night.”

Luke slowly nodded. “At least we’re not alone.”

No, they weren’t, and if Calum were being honest, he’d admit he was glad it was Luke out of everyone he could’ve gotten stuck with.

“I’m sorry, Cal. For what I said.”

“About what?”

“Sunday. I know you don’t warm up easily, it was stupid to assume you hooked up with a complete stranger.”

“I think we both know that it takes me forever to trust literally anyone.”

“You trust me, though,” Luke said without thinking. He quietly added: “Or rather you did.”

Calum smiled a little, it was cute seeing Luke so nervously fiddling with his guitar.

“I still do. Who else would I ever count on to pick me up in the middle of the night without getting mad, even though the chance of me throwing up into your car was a hundred percent?”

The comment put a smile on Luke’s lips, even though he tried to hide it.

“You still owe me a deep clean.”

“I know.”

They looked at each other, both a little shy, yet somehow, in this moment, Calum knew they had somehow made up with each other. Maybe Michael was right - they had been so busy with running from each other, they never realised they were going in the same direction.

“Honestly, I’m tired of fighting, Cal.” Luke put his guitar aside, avoiding Calum once again.

“We’re not fighting.”

“We are. Every single day. I can’t keep pretending that I don’t struggle with wanting to either see you all the time or wanting you out of my life completely.”

“...all the time?” Calum quietly repeated.

“Cal, I literally woke up wishing you were next to me. I get the news that a song reached 50 million streams and you know what? The first thing I wanna do is tell  _ you _ . I write a song that's, like, way too personal, and want to throw up at the mere  _ thought _ of showing it to anyone, and yet I know I can count on you not to comment on it or ask any questions. It’s just so easy being around you. I don’t have that with anyone else. Not even Mike or Ash.”

Though he had never actually gotten hit by a truck, Calum was confident he now knew how it would feel, because in this moment, his mind stopped working, his heart skipped several beats, and it felt like he had finally stopped fighting against a current which only ever meant to push him onto the right track.

He exhaled, suddenly much calmer. Somehow, it all made sense now.

“Luke,” he began softly, “that was probably the most romantic thing you’ve ever said to me.”

Calum watched his friend bury his face in his hands, unjustly embarrassed, which made him die of cuteness even more. Still, now that he was aware of what chaos they had caused only due to them both being stupid, lovesick idiots, there wasn’t much left holding him back.

He reached out to get Luke’s hands off his face, leant forward and did the only thing left to do. He kissed him.

He went easy on Luke, going slow at first to give him a chance to still withdraw if he wanted to, but it was hardly necessary. Luke returned the kiss longingly enough, and his hand wandered up to Calum’s neck while he buried his hand in Luke’s curls to pull him even closer.

It didn’t matter that his last kiss had been too long ago, Calum still knew this was probably the best kiss he's ever had. Luke responded to his every plea, pulling him closer, but also getting quite demanding of Calum.

Not that he was complaining.

They still had to let go of each other for a second to gasp for air, and Calum couldn't help but start grinning.

“What is it?” Luke asked, a little out of breath as well, but he had to chuckle just like Calum.

“Nothing. It’s just - I don’t know, this feels like a dream right now,” Calum responded, unconsciously brushing a lost curl aside. He saw something in Luke’s gaze change at his words, but that didn’t prepare him for what would follow after his comment.

“I’d much rather like this to be reality, to be honest,” Luke murmured, and before Calum knew what was happening, he lay on his back, Luke’s lips back on his, and this time neither held back from anything much longer.

Calum wasn’t sure what would’ve happened if Luke’s phone hadn’t rang again mid-heated-kiss, with Luke’s hand all up his shirt and on his bare back while he had already taken off Luke’s jacket.

“Fuck,” Luke growled and his hands disappeared, leaving a tingle on Calum’s skin, also taking all the warmth with him as they both sat up a bit and gathered themselves. Luke, concentrating on his phone, was looking way too pretty to be ignoring Calum like this now, his cheeks were a faint blush, his lips slightly swollen, and his hair was a complete mess, Calum noticed with a bit of guilt. And he was breathing just as heavily as him.

“Yeah, Michael? What is it?”

It didn’t take much imagination to conclude what his friend asked Luke, who lowered his head with a small smile. “It’s nothing, Mike, we’re fine. Yeah. Eh, no, definitely not.”

Calum couldn’t keep himself from reaching out for Luke’s hand, trying to pull him closer, which made Luke laugh a little, trying not to give in to him.

“No, it’s not that bad. We’re not even hungry. Yeah, I guess we’ll just drive home soon.”

Calum couldn’t hear Michael’s answer, but he seemed to have finished, finally.

Luke eventually hung up with a short “Yup, see ya”, tossed his phone aside and immediately went back to Calum, starting to kiss his neck, tickling him until Calum was squirming underneath him, laughing out loud.

“Stop it, Luke, oh my god, stop!” He tried to fight Luke, which was - entirely due to their differences in height and muscle mass of course - simply impossible, so Calum was all the more relieved when Luke let go of his neck and returned to his lips instead. Even though the heat was gone now, the sweetness of their kiss was still more than enough to completely melt Calum.

“Were you serious about driving home?” he managed to ask in between two kisses, making Luke stop for a second to look at Calum.

“I guess, yeah. Why?”

“Oh, just curious,” Calum muttered. “I just… can’t you…” He took a short breath. “Do you wanna stay over tonight?” He dug his fingers into Luke’ shirt, avoiding his eyes.

The corners of Luke’s mouth twitched. “Absolutely, Cal.” He squished Calum’s face, planting a kiss on his cheek and making him smile just like that, then got up from the couch in a swift move.

“Come on, I’m so fucking tired.” He grabbed his phone and put the guitar away before throwing their empty water bottles into the dustbin. At the door, he turned back around to Calum who had been staring at him the whole while and who just got up. “You coming?”

He was, he walked over to Luke and for the first time, it was different looking at him. Now, as his hands pulled on Luke’s belt to steal yet another soft kiss from him, Calum didn’t feel the urge to pull away or turn his back on Luke. The smile on Luke’s lips was contagious; Calum leaned back to look up at the taller man.

How was this even real?

“We should go before I can’t stop myself from going any further,” Luke mumbled, and Calum wholeheartedly agreed.

They went on their way to the exit, and when Luke turned around midway, holding out his hand for Calum, he took it without hesitating. Luke’s hand was so much warmer than his, their fingers automatically intertwined. Until now, Calum had expected this to feel corny or even cheesy, but it was nothing like it. It felt safe. It reminded him of all those moments, especially in interviews or something similar where every time Calum had felt uncomfortable, Luke had somehow found a way to touch him. It had been such small gestures, a hand on his lower back, his fingertips on his shoulder or a reaffirming hand on his knee, but without fail, he would immediately relax a little. Now, holding his hand, it felt like suddenly there was a shield around them, guarding them from everything else going on. It was the most natural thing.

The air outside didn’t feel even cold; then again, it was probably due to the serotonin and adrenaline rushing through his veins. He had to let go of Luke when they got in his car, and although it was hard, he managed and instead just kept looking at Luke the whole ride, fully aware how it made Luke flush and smile, trying his best to ignore Calum.

When they finally arrived, Luke instantly took revenge on Calum by wrapping his arms around his waist, kissing his neck while he was struggling to open the door, and all the way up to the bedroom did he not let go of Calum even once, always holding his hand. They changed into sweatpants quickly, only interrupted by a kiss every now and then, and finally dropped into bed.

This time Luke lay down and Calum softly kissed him before crossing his arms on Luke’s torso, head on his hands, staring at Luke whose hand almost automatically began playing with Calum’s hair, brushing a few hair strands aside.

“I’m really glad we’re here now,” Luke whispered, taking Calum’s hand and placing small kisses on his knuckles, his fingers and fingertips. It only took a little nudge for Calum to move closer to Luke’s side, cuddling into his arm.

That has to be the most comfortable place on earth, he thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is it huh! I’m so overwhelmed tbh. How do you feel about it?? What did you like about it, what did you not like? Now that it’s almost over (stay tuned for a short epilogue as a treat, i couldn’t stop myself lol) i’m kind of thinking of making a second part to this, but i don’t know if i should go for it??  
> Anyway thanks for reading this!! Love you all and thanks for trusting this fic. This ship is everything to me right now, and you can definitely expect some more content from me soon hehe.


	9. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little treat because i’m a slut for fluffy cake

Christmas came and went by without any special occurrences - though Calum and Luke did decide to keep quiet about their relationship at first, resulting in going a week without seeing each other.

It was now hard to believe how easy that had been before their last kiss, because now, on the 28th of December, Calum had a hard time not thinking about Luke wherever he was or went.

He also had a hard time not smiling all the time. It became simply inevitable as soon as Luke crossed his mind, which happened roughly… every minute. Now, after a long day in the studio, he sighed and pushed his shopping cart through the grocery store, from time to time randomly grabbing things he might need after his kitchen had been left empty over the holidays, which he spent entirely with his family. It was tradition - not that he didn’t love it, it was just hard not to see… well,  _ someone _ , for so long.

This was also why he looked forward to New Year’s Eve: Every year, rotating from house to house, he threw a party with his band, inviting only close friends, playing stupid games, singing karaoke and hosting stupid challenges. Calum loved it.

It was the best way to end a year, and the best way to start a new one.

His ringtone brought him back to reality, and he was quick to pick up to avoid any more noise.

“Yeah, hello?”

“Hey.”

It was crazy what a simple ‘Hey’ from a specific person could do to someone.

“Hey,” Calum repeated, a smile on his lips, and he came to a halt.

“What are you doing?” Luke asked.

“Grocery shopping.”

“Sounds boring.”

“It is.”

For a moment, neither said anything, but Calum could practically hear Luke smiling just as stupidly as he was.

“Do you think I can come a bit earlier on New Year’s Eve?”

“Of course you can.” In fact, he had been meaning to ask Luke anyway, it would give them at least some alone time before everyone would barge in. “Had some nice holidays?”

“Yeah, absolutely,” Luke replied. “Loved seeing everyone together. So rare nowadays.”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah.”

Luke giggled, which made Calum bit his lip to stop himself from grinning even wider.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with us right now,” Luke said and chuckled, “but I honestly don’t care. Just wish you were here.”

He said it so easily, but it had an enormous effect on Calum, it made him realise just how badly he actually missed his tall dumbass. “Me too.”

“Well, I’m counting the days, and there are only two left, so I’m gonna put myself together and bear it,” Luke continued.

“Yeah. Two days.”

Calum sighed quietly.

“I’m gonna… I gotta go,” Luke told Calum, too soon for his liking. “But I’ll be there on the dot. 4 pm.”

“You better.”

“Or what?” Luke chuckled.

“I don’t know. I won’t let you in then.”

“You wouldn’t.”

No, he wouldn’t. Calum felt a lump in his throat grow, and although he already dreaded not hearing Luke’s voice any longer, he hung up after a quiet “Bye”.

Two days.

It wasn’t even that long, but the days behind him weighed on him as well. He hurried to finish his shopping, paying and putting it all in his car before going on his way home. He urgently needed a hot shower and something to eat after having been on his feet for the whole day.

The sun was already going down when he arrived at home, pulling into his garage and taking the shopping bags out.

He almost missed the post-it on his front door and quickly peeled it off to read.

_ Hey C, I know we’ll see each other soon, _

_ but this couldn’t wait, and, well, it’s Christmas _

_ after all. So, come on. Get inside. :-) _

Calum did, the curiosity overwhelming him all of the sudden. His eyes darted through the hallway, but neither there nor in the kitchen did he find another post-it, so he put the bags down and went on a hunt.

On the staircase then, another one:

_ I can practically picture you running _

_ around all nervous now and no, _

_ I’m not sorry. You’re not far, though. _

It had to be downstairs therefore, Calum concluded, getting giddier with every second. He peeked into his studio and laundry room, even searched the dining room before it dawned on him that there was only one obvious solution to this.

And he was right, on the door to his living room was yet another post-it. He impatiently ripped it up.

_ Before you go inside, I want you to know that _

_ there will be no discussion about it. None. _

_ I will not argue. _

Now what the hell was that supposed to mean? There will be no discussion? What could possibly await Calum that he would want to discuss? He stared at the little piece of paper, trying to come up with any ideas Luke could possibly have, but nothing. He had not a clue.

It took another minute until he worked up the courage to grab the door handle, pushing the door open and going inside.

His living room had always been a bright, comfortable but minimalistic and lofty space, but today something was different. Something  _ big _ , Calum noticed from the corner of his eye, and when he turned to take a closer look, his eyes widened in disbelief.

Right in front of the big window going out to the back was a grande white piano, shiny and new, almost as if it was waiting for someone to play on it. Calum shook his head, getting closer, reverently keeping a distance from it while examining the beautiful instrument from all around.

“Oh my god,” he mumbled, only reluctantly letting his fingertips graze the white material as if it would disappear as soon as he touched it. It didn’t.

It was real.

Calum put the first few post-its aside and slowly sat down in front of the piano, gently brushing over the lid, then lifting it up.

And what else was to be expected, there was yet another note on the strikingly white and black keys contrasting each other. Calum slowly unfolded it.

_ Surprise!! Merry Christmas, Cal. I think I kinda love _

_ you, but don’t tell anyone. It’s a secret :-) _

It was simultaneously the cheesiest, but also the most romantic thing ever, and it made Calum blush like a trenager.

This was unbelievable. Calum never would’ve expected anyone to pick up on his one complaint about not having a proper piano, and Luke, that sly motherfucker, really just gifted him a whole  _ grand piano _ .

Calum could barely fathom it. He folded the paper up again and put it in his back pocket, determined to keep it somewhere safe later, then hesitantly played a few notes, and oh god, it sounded  _ beautifully _ .

It had such a clear sound, it just lulled Calum into it, and before he knew it his hands started playing, flying over the keys. A bright smile found its way onto his lips.

  
  


_______________________

  
  


It was almost midnight when Luke’s phone buzzed, waking him from his doze on his parents’ couch. He picked it up, blinking at the bright screen before deciphering that he had a new message from Calum. It was nothing but an audio, so he put his earphones back in he had previously listened to music with, and pressed play, excited about what’s to follow.

He expected Calum talking about the gift, thanking him or something similar. To his surprise, it was none of that - just a quiet piano piece. But not just any piece, it sounded familiar to Luke, and after a minute he finally knew what it was that Calum’s hands so beautifully played and why it didn’t need any words:

It was RIOPY’s ‘I love you’.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is this a cheesy ending? Yes. Did I still enjoy writing it? Also yes. Can’t believe this fic is actually finished 🥺 my first baby. I hope you loved it just as much as i do

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think or what you’d like to criticise! If you made it here, thank you 💞


End file.
